The Simpsons (TV Series)
Bart's Comet (1995)
Harry Shearer: Principal Skinner, Fighter Pilot #2, Radio DJ, Jasper, Reverand Lovejoy, Kent Brockman, Judge, Ned Flanders, Dr. Hibbert, Otto
Quotes
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Homer : Shut up! Shut up! Stop it! Stop it. I can't take this anymore. I can't let that brave man out there die alone. I'm surprised and disgusted by all of you - especially his children. I'm going out there!
[goes out, slams door behind him, then pops his head back in]
Homer : It was a baby ox.
Moe : He's right, you know.
Principal Skinner : [surprised] About the ox?
Moe : About everything, dammit! Hey Homer, wait up. I want to die too.
Apu : If you are going, I am going.
Barney Gumble : Me too!
[everyone assents and leaves]
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Principal Skinner : Curse the man who invented helium! Curse Pierre Jules Cesar Janssen!
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Lisa : It blew up the bridge! We're doomed!
Homer : It's times like this I wish I were a religious man.
Reverend Lovejoy : [running down the street, crazes] It's all over, people! We don't have a prayer! AAAHHH!
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Principal Skinner : And now to find out who did this... Bart, empty your pockets!
Bart : Empty my pockets, you say? Well, certainly, but I fail to see...
Principal Skinner : [looking through the contents] Blueprints of the dummy... notarized photos of you making the dummy... and an alternate wording for the banner, "Buttzilla."
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Kent Brockman : I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy simply doesn't work.
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Principal Skinner : I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
Bart : And you've never found anything?
Principal Skinner : Once, but by the time I got to a phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek. I got back at him, though. Him and that little boy of his.
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Bart : [about constellations] Who names these things anyway?
Principal Skinner : Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me.
Bart : And you've never found anything?
Principal Skinner : Once... but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kohoutek...
[a cloud covers the moon; ominous music plays]
Principal Skinner : I got back at him, though... him and that little *boy* of his.
[cloud passes; music ends]
Principal Skinner : Anyway, that's why I always keep a cellular phone next to me.
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Kent Brockman : Now, over the years, a newsman learns a number of things that for one reason or another, he just cannot report. Doesn't seem to matter now, so... the following people are gay.
[a list flashes by hurriedly]
Marge Simpson : Turn it off!
Homer : [copying down the list quickly] Just a second...
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Principal Skinner : [noticing Bart with his cell phone] What are you doing? Give me that phone!
Woman at Observatory : Congratulations, Bart. You've just discovered a comet.
Principal Skinner : [letting go of the weather balloon] NOOO!
Principal Skinner : [realizing the balloon just slipped from his grasp] NOOOO!
Principal Skinner : [a newspaper reads "Prez Sez School is For Losers"] NOOOOO!
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Abe Simpson : Sounds like the doomsday whistle! Ain't been blown for nigh onto three years.
Jasper : Tsk, tsk, tsk... trouble abrewing.