The Simpsons (TV Series)

Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish' (1996)

Hank Azaria: Grampa Van Houten, Fernando Vidal, Iggy Wiggum, Ox, Baron von Wortzenberger

Quotes 

• Fernando Vidal : [impersonating Homer]  D'oh! Not again!

  Montgomery Burns : [impersonating Marge]  I can't take much more of your numskullery!

  Waylon Smithers : [impersonating Bart]  I'll be in the car, dudes.

• Fernando Vidal : There is one more way to kill a man, but it is as intricate and precise as a well-played game of chess...

  [He kicks open the door to the retirement home's rec room and opens fire with an assault rifle] 

• Baron von Wortzenberger : [to Bart and Grandpa]  Hey funboys, get a room!

• Montgomery Burns : Fernando Vidal? It's M.B.

  Fernando Vidal : Ah, Marion Barry! Is it time for another shipment?

• Bart : If you saved Burns' life, why does he wanna kill you?

  Grampa : It was the closing days of the war. We had just flushed some Germans out of an abandoned castle...

  [fade to a flashback] 

  Arnie Gumble : Hey, Burnsie found some pictures.

  Iggy Wiggum : Wait a minute. We ain't a-sposed to steal from civilians.

  Grampa : You want me to report you to Commander Flanders? Just leave them, Burnsie.

  Montgomery Burns : Leave them for whom, the Germans? The folks who shoot at us all day? Let's just take them. We'll all be rich, rich as Nazis.

  Etch : Think of what a guy could get himself with that kind of scratch.

  Sheldon Skinner : Yeah. I could buy chicken dinners three times a day.

  Iggy Wiggum : I could buy a brand new Studebaker with a fan on the dashboard.

  Arnie Gumble : I could buy my way into high...

  [belching] 

  Arnie Gumble : ...society.

  Grampa : Well, I don't feel right about it, but I could use a nest egg for retirement. I'd hate to wind up in one of those old folks' homes.

• Fernando Vidal : [an attempt to assassinate Grampa fails]  Ah, he's more clever than he looks.

• Grampa : Sorry to crowd you, boy, but I'll let you in on a secret. Burns is after me 'cause he wants the Hellfish bonanza.

  Bart : Look, if you're gonna stay in my room, could you at least stop making up gibberish?

  Grampa : Gibberish, eh?

  [showing him a tattoo on his arm] 

  Grampa : Then what's this?

  Bart : Wrinkly gibberish?

  Grampa : Why, you smart...

  [pulling his skin taut so the image is clearer] 

  Grampa : I got this in the second World War II. Back then, I was known as Sergeant Simpson, and I commanded the Flying Hellfish, the fightingest squad in the fightingest company in the third-fightingest batallion in the army, and we were all from Springfield. There was police chief Wiggum's father, Iggy Wiggum.

  Iggy Wiggum : Um, if anybody finds a grenade without a pin, that's mine.

  [his backpack explodes] 

  Grampa : Our radioman, Sheldon Skinner.

  Sheldon Skinner : [with a "shoot me" sign on his back]  All right, very funny. Well, I didn't join the service to make friends.

  Grampa : And watching our backs was private fifth class Arnie Gumble. Then there was also Griff, Asa, Ox, and Etch. But every unit has a troublemaker Ours was a cocky little private named Montgomery Burns.

  Montgomery Burns : [on a corpsman's stretcher]  Haven't you won the war yet?

  Ox : Duh, hey, you said you was dead.

  Montgomery Burns : Yes, dead tired. But I'm quite refreshed now. Thank you.

• Edna Krabappel : All right, seniors. We'd all love to share in your wisdom, experience, yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's start with Milhouse's grandfather.

  Grampa Van Houten : Uh, how many of you have a house?

  [the students shout their answers] 

  Grampa Van Houten : All right. Now, how many of you drove your house to school today?

  [the kids raise their hands, then look around, confused] 

  Grampa Van Houten : Well, I did. No, I'm not Superman. I just own an RV. Me and the new wife travel the country searching for adventure. Last fall, we won a chili cook-off in Beaumont, Texas.

  Grampa : You're living in a fool's paradise, Van Houten. If you fell down in the shower, that thing would be your tomb.

  Bart : [embarrassed]  Grampa, hush.

  [opening his desk] 

  Bart : Here, why don't you spit some more?

• Montgomery Burns : Then it's agreed. Of course, we can't sell the paintings now, we'd be caught. How many of you are familiar with the concept of a "tontine"?

  Montgomery Burns : All right, Ox. Why don't you take us through it?

  Ox : Duh, essentially, we all enter into a contract whereby the last surviving participant becomes the sole possessor of all them purty pictures.

  Montgomery Burns : Well put, Oxford.

• Baron von Wortzenberger : [to one of the Feds putting the stolen paintings in the trunk]  Hey, dummkopf! Watch out for the CD changer in my trunk, huh! Idiot.