- Opie Taylor: They don't give you no medal for tryin'.
- Andy Taylor: I know that. I know they don't and it's nice to win something. It's real nice to win something, but it's more important to know how *not* to win something.
- Opie Taylor: I know how to do that real good.
- Andy Taylor: No, you don't.
- Opie Taylor: You mean there's more things I coulda not won?
- Andy Taylor: I mean, you coulda been a nice loser. They call it sportsmanship.
- [Barney talks about training Opie]
- Opie Taylor: You mean you're gonna make *me* one big muscle, too?
- Barney Fife: Yeah!
- Andy Taylor: Uh, 'cept in your case, we'll try to stop at the neck.
- Barney Fife: [irritated] That's very comical, Andy! Only comicalness don't win no medals!
- Barney Fife: [chanting while skipping rope] My mother, your mother, lived across the way! Every night they have a fight and this is what they say: Ickabacka-soda cracker, ickabacka-foo! Ickabacka-sode cracker, out goes you!
- Andy Taylor: [finding Barney on the ground about to show Opie a leg muscle exercise] Uh, what's the matter, Barney? Too many green apples?
- Barney Fife: Now, boys, as Sheriff Taylor has said, I will be the official starter and this is the official starting gun. Now, you may not run until the gun is fired! Now, when I pull the trigger, the gun will fire and then you may run, but wait until the gun is fired! I will pull the trigger and you will then hear a shot. That means...
- [Andy cuts him off so that they can start the race]
- Andy Taylor: You got to learn how to take disappointment. There could be more of 'em comin' up, you know. You come up smilin', you're a good loser. The other way's bein' a bad loser. Now, what do you wanna be?
- Opie Taylor: A good winner.
- Andy Taylor: It don't take courage to be a winner. It *does* take courage to be a good loser. Now, you wanna be a good loser, you'll be proud of your friends that *did* win and you'll congratulate 'em for it.
- Opie Taylor: I won't!
- Andy Taylor: You won't?
- Opie Taylor: They ain't my friends! They beat me and they got my medal!
- Barney Fife: Last Saturday night I took Juanita to Mount Pilot for a Chinese dinner. I didn't even have enough to leave for a tip.
- Andy Taylor: Is that right?
- Barney Fife: It was embarrassing. The waiter called me somethin' in Chinese. It didn't sound like "sport" neither!