Scrubs (TV Series)

My Mirror Image (2006)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian, Mrs. Zeebee

Photos 

Quotes 

• Carla : [J.D. tells Carla, Elliot, and Turk that Kim is pregnant]  I'm sorry J.D. but you knew this could happen when you had sex.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : I have to tell you guys something but you have to promise not to laugh. Ok?

  [Carla, Elliot, and Turk agree] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Ok, on the night of said conception, ah, Kim and I nude-ed up, and um, the dirty talk began and I got a little over excited.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : Oooh, She like a the dirty talk!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : No, I do. I find it gets the ladies going. But I occasionally get wrapped up in it myself, especially when I use some of my different voices.

  Dr. Elliot Reid : He does.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Anywho, there was some unexpected friendly-fire, and uh, even though I never got a chance to enter the, the village, ah, there was an air strike on one of the outlying regions.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [Turk yells excitedly and Carla pulls his ear to stop him]  Thank you.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Anyway, I talked to the gals in O.B.G and they said it's not uncommon for a woman to get pregnant even if there was no actual penetration.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : What your trying to tell us is that you never actually had sex with her?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [after a brief pause]  I didn't have a condom.

  [Muffled giggles from Turk, Carla, and Elliot] 

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : And ah, we decided not to have sex because, here's the kicker, I didn't want to get her pregnant.

  [Carla, Elliot, and Turk break out in hysterical laughing] 

• Dr. Kelso : Uh, Dr. Dorian, look, this is a bit awkward, but as Chief of Medicine I feel obligated to ask you about your relationship with Dr. Briggs... was she naughty? I bet she was a hellcat.

  J.D. : Get help, sir.

  Dr. Kelso : Never mind. It's better up here.

• J.D. : My life is over.

  Dr. Cox : Oh come on, you gotta focus on the positives. For instance, the medical miracle that is one woman actually impregnating another woman.

  [claps his hands together] 

  Dr. Cox : Sha-daisy!

  [J.D. walks away] 

  Turk : Coincidentally, I have a cousin named Shedaisy.

  Dr. Cox : WHAT?

• Dr. Kim Briggs : Oh, come on. No laugh from a guy who, when he orders a coffee, says "Thanks a latte!"

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Well, that's different, Kim, that's hilarious. This is life-changing.

• Janitor : Hey, Mojambo, this here's our new flagpole. Why don't you show Old Glory a little respect and snap off a salute?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [J.D. looks at the top of the pole]  There's no flag up there.

  Janitor : We're at war, my friend. All American flags are on back-order. What do you want me to do in the meantime, run a pirate flag up there? Maybe turn the whole building into a pirate ship? I could put a captain's wheel up on the roof, catch a parrot somehow, slap on an eye-patch, go to work with a caulk gun, seal her up, make her water-tight. I could take her out to sea.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Are you insane?

  Janitor : No, I'm a pirate.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  As I acted like a flag, I sensed that the janitor learned nothing from this experience.

• Dr. Kim Briggs : [J.D. is hiding from Kim]  You seen J.D.?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [J.D. shakes his head "No"]  I have not.

  Dr. Kim Briggs : Any idea where he is?

  Dr. Christopher Turk : [J.D. makes a gesture jabbing at his palm, puffing a few breaths, and wiggling his fingers]  Teaching CPR to underprivileged youth at Lincoln Middle School on 18th Street.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : [Voice over]  I can't believe he got that! We are so ready for that charades tournament on Saturday!