American Dad! (TV Series)

A.T. The Abusive Terrestrial (2007)

Scott Grimes: Steve Smith

Quotes 

• Steve Smith : [while studying]  Chlorine, bromine... crap! Astatine! How could I forget? It has the words "teen" and "ass" in it.

• Roger the Alien : Oh, my God, look what's on Lifetime! Daphne Zuniga in "Spooning with Anger."

  Steve Smith : So?

  Roger the Alien : So? That's our favorite spousal abuse movie of all time. We gave it even higher marks that Valerie Bertinelli's classic, "Please Kevin, Not in the Face."

• Steve Smith : [to Roger about Henry hurting him]  Oh, my God, your eye! Did he hit you?

  Roger the Alien : It was my fault. I disobeyed Captain's orders and jeopardized the mission.

  Steve Smith : Stop making excuses for him! You sound just like Daphne Zuniga from that Lifetime movie and you remember what happened to her.

  Roger the Alien : Oh, my God! She ended up on ABC Family. Well, I'm not gonna let that happen to me.

• Steve Smith : I lost Roger, Hayley. I was wrapped up in my science project and I yelled at him, and I drove him into the arms of a kid who beats him!

  Hayley Smith : Oh. I just thought you got like a boner in gym class or something.

  Steve Smith : I don't know what to do. Why does he stay, Hayley? Why does he stay?

  Hayley Smith : Clearly, he's getting something from this kid he wasn't getting from you. When you have that kind of co-dependency, it can be hard to break free from an abusive relationship.

  Jeff Fischer : [as he peaks out of the pantry]  Can I come out of the pantry now, babe?

  Hayley Smith : I said I'll get you when I'm ready!

  [throws something at the pantry; Jeff goes back inside] 

• Henry : Roger, don't go! I swear I'll change. We'll play all day and we'll make a fort out of pillows and I'll never be too busy for you. You're my alien.

  Roger the Alien : Oh, Henry, yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!

  Steve Smith : No! God, Roger, what the hell? You're the most backward-ass advanced live form ever.

  Henry : See? He doesn't care about you.

  Steve Smith : Look, Roger. I'm not gonna make a bunch of promises about how we're always gonna play together and how every moment's gonna be great. And if a girl calls and I think there's a shot at boob, I'm going for the boob. But I will come home and tell you about it because you're not my alien. You're my friend, my best friend.