- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Don't touch that! It's scotch you drink bourbon
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So do you
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I had another visitor, before you arrived unannounced.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did he duck out the back?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Now you do sound like a jealous husband.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You lost your protection detail in Paris. You went missing for 21 hours, where were you?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You sound like a jealous husband.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How would you know?
- Officer Ziva David: You can beat a polygraph.
- Abby Sciuto: No you can't!
- Officer Ziva David: I've done it, Abby. It's part of Mossad training. All you have to do is...
- NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Oi. Hello! If it's unethical I can't hear it.
- Officer Ziva David: WELL DON'T LISTEN!
- NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: [puts fingers in ears] la la la la la go ahead la la la la
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What were you doing for 21 hours Jenny?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: What we used to do, ever so well.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When you lie your right eye twitches. It always has.
- NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Where's the bathroom?
- Jimmy Palmer: I know!
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: First... A toast...
- Jimmy Palmer: Dear God make it quick...
- NCIS Special Agent Michelle Lee: Amen!
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: In polite society one usually calls before a visit. Bourbon?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I've kicked in too many doors to be polite. Yes.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I appreciate the restraint you showed by using the bell. I've been rather fond of that door since I was a child.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still dream about OJ-ing Diane?
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Nah Emily kind of likes her. You?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Only when I think about my grandfather's watch.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [watching Abby do bartender tricks] Watch out! It's Halloween at Coyote Ugly, Piper Perabo.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: Visiting our ex wife?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Waiting for you.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: How'd you know I'd be here?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Friday night, odd weekend.
- FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [discussing their ex-wife] Diane look that pissed at you after the divorce?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She's looking at me Tobias.
- Cynthia Sumner: Welcome home director. How was the interpol conference?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Fine, full of eurocops trying to hook up with me.
- [beat]
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: And no I didn't
- Cynthia Sumner: [flustered] Oh, uhh I wasn't wondering.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I would if I were you.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When you look at me like that, McGee, I get this overwhelming urge to head slap you.