House M.D. (TV Series)
The Jerk (2007)
Hugh Laurie: Dr. Gregory House
Quotes
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Dr. Gregory House : I like this kid.
Dr. Robert Chase : You haven't met him.
Dr. Gregory House : I know you hate him. What more do I need to know?
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Dr. Gregory House : I hate this kid.
Dr. Eric Foreman : I like this kid.
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Dr. Eric Foreman : Nate went medieval on the other kid... could be
Dr. Gregory House : Hold on. I'm having a moment... this...
[feigning emotion]
Dr. Gregory House : ...this could be Foreman's last time mistakenly suggesting adrenal gland tumor.
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Dr. Gregory House : Oh, almost forgot, I need to give a 16-year-old magic mushrooms to treat a cluster headache. Is that cool?
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : No problem.
[House exits her office]
Dr. Lisa Cuddy : I was being sarcastic!
Dr. Gregory House : Wouldn't look that way in the court transcript.
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Dr. Gregory House : [to Cuddy] You are one evil, cunning woman. It's a massive turn-on.
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Dr. Allison Cameron : Where's Foreman?
Dr. Gregory House : He's mad at me.
Dr. Allison Cameron : Why?
Dr. Gregory House : No reason.
Dr. Robert Chase : [scoffs] Yeah, that makes sense.
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Dr. Eric Foreman : Hey!
[House heads to the elevator]
Dr. Gregory House : Something on your mind?
[hits elevator button]
Dr. Gregory House : Because you totally can't tell.
Dr. Eric Foreman : I had a job interview lined up at New York Mercy yesterday.
Dr. Gregory House : Hospital for Manhattan's glitterati. Big coup. Your homies must be kvelling.
Dr. Eric Foreman : [angry tone] Didn't happen because apparently I called to cancel. I don't remember making that call. You think I have a neurological issue?
Dr. Gregory House : Yes.
[elevator dings and doors open]
Dr. Eric Foreman : [shouting] Why are you jerking me around?
Dr. Gregory House : It wasn't me.
[gets into the elevator]
Dr. Eric Foreman : Yeah, it was one of the other petty, socially-repressed asses I work for.
[gets into the elevator with House]
Dr. Gregory House : Maybe it was Ashton Kutcher.
[the elevator closes; scene cuts to House and Foreman walking off the elevator]
Dr. Eric Foreman : If you want me to stay, tell me you want me to stay.
Dr. Gregory House : Would it matter?
Dr. Eric Foreman : No, but it'd be the adult way to handle it.
Dr. Gregory House : If the adult way doesn't work, why bother with it?
Dr. Eric Foreman : I've been totally professional! Gave two weeks notice, continued to work cases, scheduled my interviews on my own time! You have no right to screw with my future.
Dr. Gregory House : You're gonna be all whiny during the differental diagnoses, aren't you?
Dr. Gregory House : [Foreman starts to walk away] It wasn't me.
[Foreman turns to House]
Dr. Gregory House : I only sabotage people I consider worth it.
[Foreman walks away; House heads to his office]
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Dr. Robert Chase : Blood thinners and TMS had no effect; it's not cluster headaches.
Dr. Gregory House : You accusing the symptoms of lying?
Dr. Allison Cameron : Could be hemachromatosis.
Dr. Gregory House : Wouldn't account for the personality disorder.
Dr. Robert Chase : Hypothyroidism.
Dr. Gregory House : He's not getting aggressive and lethargic, he's getting aggressive and aggressiver.
Dr. Allison Cameron : What about ruptured dermoid cyst?
Dr. Gregory House : [House stumbles backward] Sorry. I just got dizzy there. I was expecting to turn right. It's Foreman's turn to be shot down.
Dr. Eric Foreman : [listlessly] The thing that Cameron said.
Dr. Gregory House : Way to think outside the box. But no fat in the ventricles. It's cluster headaches.
Dr. Robert Chase : Normal treatment didn't work. Abnormal treatment didn't work.
Dr. Gregory House : Good point, Foreman. The normal treatments don't always work. Symptoms never lie.
Dr. Allison Cameron : The only approved treatment left for cluster headaches is brain surgery and that's not even a guarantee.
Dr. Gregory House : Back off, Foreman!