- Michael Scott: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids, and I wasn't so sure, who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't want to have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!
- Michael Scott: [takes a sip of wine] Mmm. A sort of an oaky afterbirth.
- Jim Halpert: ...What was that?
- Michael Scott: That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back with your zero-dollars-a-year salary plus benefits, babe!
- Michael Scott: [arguing] Man, I would love to burn your candles!
- Jan Levinson: You burn it, you buy it!
- Michael Scott: Oh, good, I'll be your first customer!
- Jan Levinson: You're hardly my first.
- Michael Scott: That's what she said!
- [Jan picks up one of Michael's Dundie awards and throws it at his $200 plasma screen TV]
- [outside Michael's house, two police officers approach]
- Dwight Schrute: I'll take care of this. Okay, what seems to be the problem, Officers?
- Cop #1: Not now, Dwight.
- Jan Levinson: Well, how about we do the short tour, and then I'll start dinner.
- Pam Beesly: Oh, I can help starting dinner, if you need it.
- Jan Levinson: Oh, no, no, no, it's just the osso bucco, needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else is done.
- Pam Beesly: Three hours from now, or three hours from earlier, like 4:00?
- Jan Levinson: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
- Michael Scott: When in Rome.
- Jim Halpert: [to the camera crew] Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own seperate game. And it's called, "Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.
- Pam Beesly: [whispering] I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... *at a dinner party*.
- Jan Levinson: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath.
- [laughs]
- Jan Levinson: But I don't have to tell you, Pam.
- Pam Beesly: [laughs] Oh, yeah... Wait, what?
- [as it comes to Michael's turn during their game]
- Michael Scott: [loud clapping] All right, my
- [clap clap clap]
- Michael Scott: my
- [clap]
- Michael Scott: my
- [clap]
- Michael Scott: my turn! My
- [clap]
- Michael Scott: my my my
- [clapclapclap]
- Michael Scott: my turn!
- [clap]
- Michael Scott: My my my my turn!
- [clap]
- Jan Levinson: Babe, can you just, like, really...
- Michael Scott: What?
- Jan Levinson: You're just, like, really...
- Michael Scott: [laughing] What? What?
- Jan Levinson: Could you just simmer down? Seriously.
- Michael Scott: I'm just making people laugh.
- Jan Levinson: No.
- Michael Scott: Yes, I was watching Jim's face.
- Jan Levinson: I was watching Jim.
- [Jim stares off with a blank expression]
- Michael Scott: And he was laughing. Look.
- Jan Levinson: [turns to the camera] No smile.
- Michael Scott: Look at him. He's laughing.
- Michael Scott: [leans across to Pam whispering] Pam... I hope she didn't do anything to the food.
- Pam Beesly: [whispers] Like... like what?
- Michael Scott: I can't prove it but I think she might be trying to poison me.
- [Jan serves the food]
- Michael Scott: Hey, looks great, babe.
- Andy Bernard: Yeah, it does!
- Pam Beesly: I know Jan didn't poison the food. I know that. But if she was going to poison the food of someone at that table, wouldn't it be me? "Michael's former lover"?
- Jan Levinson: [after Michael says he wants a child] If you want to have kids, then fine, you win. Let's have a
- [bleep]
- Jan Levinson: kid!
- Jan Levinson: The sliding glass door shattered. It's actually a very cute story. Do you want to tell it, babe, or should I tell it?
- Michael Scott: I don't like that story, babe.
- Jan Levinson: Come on, it's a cute story. Michael ran through the sliding glass door 'cause he thought he heard the ice cream truck.
- Jim Halpert: You'll never guess, I just got a message from my landlord. Apparently, my apartment flooded, something with a sprinkler.
- Jan Levinson: Oh no!
- Jim Halpert: Pam, we should probably get going and see the damage.
- Pam Beesly: Oh, okay.
- Michael Scott: Well, you don't need two of you to do that.
- Jim Halpert: That's true. Um... dinner sounded delicious. Pam, I'll see you at home. Thank you so much.
- Pam Beesly: Oh, Jim, I don't think you're going to abandon this party here all by yourself.
- Jim Halpert: I don't know. Because everything I own is there.
- Pam Beesly: You can buy new stuff, but you can't buy a new party.
- Michael Scott: That's true, that's a great point. Come on down here. Sit down on that couch and be amongst friends and we are not going to think about all your stuff being destroyed, all right?