Scrubs (TV Series)

My Hard Labor (2007)

John C. McGinley: Dr. Perry Cox

Quotes 

• Dr. Perry Cox : Didn't I tell you two to treat Mr Meltzer?

  Josephine : [speaking always in her very high-pitched tone]  Yes, but he won't let us because...

  Dr. Perry Cox : No, no, no! Remember our new system so that I never have to hear your voice again?

  [Josephine writes something on a post-it and handles it to Cox] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : "He doesn't want to be treated by interns" with your "I" dotted with a heart and a little frowny face at the end. It's incredible: your handwriting's actually more annoying than your voice! Regardless, you interns are the future of this hospital, and if you don't treat patients you won't learn. What I want you to do is walk over to Mr Meltzer and say these words: "I'm your doctor. Deal with it". Can you say that?

  Josephine , Boon : I'm your doctor...

  Dr. Perry Cox : [to Josephine]  Not you. Never you.

  Boon : I am your doctor. Deal with it.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Peachy.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Look it, I know I called you at home and threatened to kill your dog, but thanks again for coming in there, Dr. Callahan.

  Dr. No-Shot : No problem. It's not like I need a lot of sleep to practice medicine on small children.

• Dr. Perry Cox : Okay, first of all, Newbie, we're talking about your kid, so the whole normal part was never gonna happen. And you didn't mess up his life.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Come on. Statistics show that kids whose parents stay together...

  Dr. Perry Cox : Statistic show? Who cares what statistics show? I mean, look at medicine. 80% of people with pancreatic cancer die within five years. 95% of appendectomies occur with zero complications. But, we both know pancreatic cancer patients that lived and appendix patients that, unfortunately, passed. Statistics mean nothing to the individual. You're either gonna be a good parent to that kid or you're not. I mean, hell, your parents were divorced and you somehow managed to become a relatively successful doctor. And I'm sure there's someone, somewhere who would be proud to call you their son.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Would you be proud to call me your son?

  Dr. Perry Cox : This conversation's over.

• Dr. No-Shot : Look, I have to be a doctor to these kids for years. I don't want them bawling every time they see me because they associate me with pain.

  Dr. Perry Cox : [snickers]  That's insane.

  Dr. No-Shot : Yeah. And why aren't you giving your daughter the shot?

  Dr. Perry Cox : I don't want her to forever associate me with...

  [under his breath] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : pain.

  Dr. No-Shot : What? I didn't catch that.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Pain.

  Dr. No-Shot : Was that the inside voice? You can bring it up.

  Dr. Perry Cox : My daughter to forever associate me with pain.

  Dr. No-Shot : Ironic.