- Mark Pierce: I think it was Thoreau who said about the telegraph: "Maine may speak to Texas ¿but what if they don't have anything to say to one other?"
- Peter Pierce: That should be engraved in the bezel of every iPhone in the world.
- Tom Wambsgans: Jeepers-fucking-creepers, what a shit-piñata. That was like... That was like the most Roy thing I have ever seen. It's like I got a quart of Roy injected into my eyeballs.
- Shiv Roy: [pacing frantically] Yeah...
- [forces herself to sit down]
- Shiv Roy: Is there booze?
- Tom Wambsgans: Are you kidding? No, it's just Emily Dickinson and low-thread-count sheets.
- Roman Roy: I've been down in the salt mines so long with my fellow Johnny Lunchpails, I no longer speak One-Percent.
- Roman Roy: [reading the inscription 'In Veritate Triumpho' above a doorway] 'This wine is triumphant?' No? 'Your vagina trumpets.'
- Peter Pierce: It's 'I triumph in the truth.'
- Roman Roy: Oh yes, the truth. Love it. It's the best, right? Truth...
- [turns to Gerri]
- Roman Roy: He seems cool.
- Roman Roy: I was hoping we could touch base about my entire future being Hindenburged? "Oh, the Romanity!"