- [upon discovering that the Matt Damon campaign has a few supporters]
- Self - Host: No, there's no competition! Gee, I thought Canadians were supposed to be nice. There must be a few Americans visiting there.
- Guillermo: Hey, Guillermo! What have you been doing up there? How did you miss what was going on?
- Guillermo: Oh, that? It's okay, Jimmy. I took care of them.
- Self - Host: How? How did you take care of them?
- Guillermo: I sent them all to the next town.
- Self - Host: Oh.
- [upon discovering a campaign to make Matt Damon mayor of Dildo, Newfoundland and Labrador]
- Self - Host: No. You can't have a dildo running Dildo!