The Ren & Stimpy Show (TV Series)

The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen (1993)

Harris Peet: Jasper

Quotes 

• Yaksmen Leader : Men, this is a mission of gloooory! I need volunteers! We need men! Big of heart! Big of courage! Big of spirit! Only big men will do!

  [camera pans down to Ren and Stimpy, who are much shorter than the other Yaksmen] 

  Yaksmen Leader : For those of you who volunteer, it means certain death, IF you're lucky.

  [huffs at Ren] 

  Yaksmen Leader : You must be very proud to have an opportunity like this. You'll go down in history! This nation shall be forged in your blood. Not everyone gets the chance to sacrifice their lives for such a noble cause. You can make this a land for our children, and their children's children. There is a great WIL-derness out there that you must tame.

  Ren : Why...

  Yaksmen Leader : So that future generations will live in freedom!

  [gets a smile] 

  Yaksmen Leader : THINK of it, men! I can see it now: Two color TVs in every home, a curling rock in every garage, and all because selfless men like you laid down your lives for the Kilted Yaksmen. Don't do it for yourself, men; do it for people you'll never even MEET!

  Stimpy : PLEASE!

  [clutching the leader's leg] 

  Stimpy : Please let us sacrifice for our country! Me and Ren! Our lives are cheap!

  [Ren looks alarmed] 

  Yaksmen Leader : Well... I don't know.

  Stimpy : Oh PLEASE! I know we're not worthy.

  [reaches into Ren's kilt and grabs a $5 dollar bill] 

  Stimpy : Here, take this five bucks, just let us serve!

  Yaksmen Leader : Well...

  [the other three Yaksmen sweat nervously] 

  Yaksmen Leader : ... Okay.

  [they look relieved] 

  Stimpy : Ohh, thank you!

  [kisses leader's foot] 

  Stimpy : Thank you!

  [Ren faints] 

  Yaksmen Leader : I'm proud of you boys. And while you brave men seek your place in history, the rest of us poor lads must bear the shame of having to remain here, with... the women.

  [shot of four attractive women in front of the three ashamed Yaksmen, while hooting and hollering from off-screen men is heard] 

  Stimpy : Those poor men. Isn't it a pity, Ren?

  [Ren huffs angrily, grabs Stimpy, and slaps him]