Svengoolie (TV Series)
Attack of the 50 Foot Woman (2019)
Rich Koz: Svengoolie
Quotes
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Svengoolie : [answering the door] It's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog!
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Yes! Yes! Hello, everyone. My goodness, look at you. Elvira, you have REALLY let yourself go.
Svengoolie : Now wait a minute, I'm not Elvira...
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : My goodness. I know who you are.
Svengoolie : I'm Svengoolie.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : I know, I never miss your show. I don't watch it, so I don't miss it.
Svengoolie : Yeah, thank you. I mean, really.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Svengoolie, serious question.
Svengoolie : Yes.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : What do you think your audience will find scarier: Tonight's movie, or the fact that you not only still live with your mother but three times a year, the two of you go camping?
Svengoolie : Will you stop that? That's ridiculous.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : I kid. It's a joke.
Svengoolie : I know.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : This man, by the way, he's not really a vampire. But thanks to six failed marriages, he does sleep upside down in a closet.
Svengoolie : That's not true, ladies and gentlemen. I, Triumph, really.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : A wonderful thing about doing this, you've done this since, uh, since 1979, and the wonderful thing about that is, he no longer has to spring for make-up to get his eye sockets to look that way.
[rim shot]
Svengoolie : But that's not really true. Triumph, honestly, where do you come up with this stuff?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : I'm sorry. We all kid. This is a wonderful show, this program has introduced viewers to work that has not seen the light of day, has not even been touched in decades, and by that, I mean Svengoolie's teeth.
[Sven stammers]
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Because he's not sanitary. By the way, you know, this isn't even the original Svengoolie.
Svengoolie : Well no, we know that.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : This is like, uh, this is like the second Darren Stevens.
Svengoolie : [chuckling] What?
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : For you viewers out there...
Svengoolie : You lost your Cheroot again here.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : It's okay. The original Svengoolie, fun fact, was Jerry G. Bishop...
Svengoolie : That's right.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : ...Who was forced to stop doing this in 1979 when, sadly, he came down with an incurable case of self-respect.
Svengoolie : Give him another cigar.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Folks, by the way, folks, the REAL horror show is about ninety minutes from now, when Svengoolie is scouring Chicago transit garbage bins for recyclables.
[rim shot]
Svengoolie : That's not true. I'm at the airport. But really, seriously.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : I kid, I kid.
Svengoolie : I know you kid.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : It's okay that you're not the original Svengoolie.
Svengoolie : Thank you.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Another fun fact. Svengoolie was created by Mr. Bishop, who actually quit, he decided to pursue his life-long dream of finally kissing a girl.
[horn honk]
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : Look at you. The art always came first.
Svengoolie : That's right.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : "Forget women"...
Svengoolie : Yeah.
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog : ...He would say. "I need to dress up like a homeless maitre'd and pursue my passion."
[rim shot]