The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Sega 32X (2007)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Now we got Star Wars. It's an arcade classic but, I don't know about this one. The graphics are balls. Everything looks like a polygon and it's putting me to sleep.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You plop it on top of the Genesis like they're mating. God, I mean, you think that's enough add-ons? It doesn't even look asthetically presentable. I mean, it's like an ugly tumor. Did they really need all this bullshit leeching off of the Genesis? That poor Genesis is just thinking, "oh please, God, take this shit off me." It's like getting gang raped. Both of its slots are getting fucked at the same time.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Great title screen, huh? There isn't even any title at all. What is this? Wait a minute. Oh please, God, tell me what's going on. Why can't I see the characters? I'm playing invisible Primal Rage! Alright, let's try Virtual Fighter... what the fuck?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Look at this, it's a fucking mess. And what a perfect visual analogy. Sega invented the 32X to increase the life span of the Genesis, and that's exactly what the freakin' thing looks like: it's on life support.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [playing Primal Rage]  You got all the moves: the farting, the puking, the pissing... which I can't do, so if you want to try that out, be my guest.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Like my Sega CD video, I'm limited to the number of games I can review. I'm aware that I'm leaving out popular ones, like Snatcher on the Sega CD, and Knuckles Chaotix on the 32X, but remember: if I don't have the game, I can't review it.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Bottom line: the 32X sucked, and it was one of the biggest failures of all time, and just to celebrate their failure or just for shits and giggles, they released a few CD 32X games, which require both the Sega CD and the 32X, so if you happen to own both this pile of vomit

  [the Sega CD] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : and this piece of shit

  [32X] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : you can mix the two together.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So as you can see, the 32X was just not worth it. Gamers were too smart to be suckered in, because they knew that this piece of junk would be abandoned soon, because the Sega Saturn was on its way. Hell, it was already out in Japan so nobody gave two fucks about this beast. It cost about $150 when it first came out, and the only people who bought it said it had mechanical problems. On top of that, there were rumors that it could damage your Genesis games. I'm not sure if that was true or not.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The Sega Saturn was released in the US about six months later. Only about 40 games or less came out for the 32X before it bit the dust. What kind of marketing is that? What were they thinking? And on top of that, Sega had yet another console planned in between called the Neptune which was scrapped pretty quickly. All it was gonna be was a stand-alone version of the 32X, which is what it should have fucking been in the first place! So not only was the Saturn on its way, but so was the PlayStation and the Nintendo 64. Gamers knew it was a better idea to just wait, and stores were selling the 32X for $20. I got mine at a flea market for $2.50. I'm dead fucking serious.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Now, excuse me, I gotta send this fucking shit back to the fires of Hell.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : There's something wrong here. This whole thing is just a mound of cock-a-dookie.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Bullshit. What a load of fucking bullshit. How did they fuck this up so badly?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The Sega CD had its place in history. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a piece of shit. But it had a certain appeal. The 32X is the real deal. It sucks. Oh God, it sucks.