The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Maternal Capacitance (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

2 more photos

Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I had no idea your siblings were so much more successful than you.

  Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, you're like the Jar-Jar Binks of the Hofstadter family.

  Howard Wolowitz : [Imitating Jar-jar]  Oh, meesa think yousa lookin' so-so sad.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You know, rather than mock me, my friends might realize that this is difficult and try to help me through it.

  Raj Koothrappali : Nope, I think mocking you is more fun.

  Howard Wolowitz : [imitating JarJar Binks]  Next time, don't yousa bring momma to work, Okee-day?

  [Raj and Howard laugh] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Leonard's mother comes back]  That was fast.

  Beverly : Oh, the middle stall was occupied, I'll have to try again later.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's totally understandable. In bladder voiding as in real estate, it's location, location, location.

  Beverly : So where were we?

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to his mother]  Howard lives with his mother, and Raj can't speak to women unless he's drunk. Go!

  Beverly : Well, that's fascinating. Selective mutism is quite rare. On the other hand, an adult Jewish male living with his mother is so common it borders on sociological cliché.

  Howard Wolowitz : It's just temporary, I pay rent.

  Leonard Hofstadter : He lives in the same room where his bassinet was.

  Beverly : You know, both selective mutism and an inability to separate from one's mother can stem from a pathological fear of women. It might explain why the two of you have created an ersatz homosexual marriage to satisfy your need for intimacy.

  Howard Wolowitz : Say what?

  [Raj whispers in Howard's ear] 

  Howard Wolowitz : That's basically what I just said!

  Leonard Hofstadter : [to Raj]  You brought your husband to work, you know the rules.

  [imitating JarJar Binks] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Meesa thinkin' yousa lookin' pretty sad now too, betcha betcha.

• Sheldon Cooper : I feel very comfortable around you.

  Beverly : I feel very comfortable around you, too.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's surprising because I generally don't feel comfortable around - well, anyone.

  Beverly : Nor I.

  Sheldon Cooper : What are the odds that two individuals as unique as ourselves would be connected by someone as comparatively workaday as your son?

  Beverly : Is that a rhetorical point, or would you like to do the math?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'd like to do the math.

  Beverly : I'd like that, too.

• Sheldon Cooper : So what do you think?

  Beverly : I'm very tempted. I'm just not sure it's appropriate with my son's roommate.

  Sheldon Cooper : Normally, I'd feel the same way, but based on everything I've observed about us, I can't help but speculate we'd be very good together.

  Beverly : True. I've had a similar observation. Certainly something I could never do with my husband.

  Sheldon Cooper : I was hesitant the first time I tried it, but I experienced an unanticipated and remarkable release of endorphins. It's quite satisfying.

  Beverly : I see what you're doing. You're appealing to the neuro-scientific researcher in me.

  Sheldon Cooper : You see right through me, don't you?

  Beverly : Only when you're in a cat scanner.

  [both laugh, Beverly snorts] 

  Beverly : [later] 

  [Sheldon and Beverly are dual singing "Any Way You Want It" on Rock Band 2] 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Here's your tea, Mother.

  Beverly : Oolong?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Loose, not bagged?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Steeped, three minutes?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Two percent milk?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Warmed separately?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : One teaspoon of sugar?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : Raw sugar?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.

  Beverly : [Beverly sips the tea]  It's cold.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'll start again.

  Sheldon Cooper : [to Beverly]  I have the same problem with him.

• [Leonard's mother Beverly, a neuroscientist and psychoanalyst, is visiting] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Your mother is brilliant, analytical, insightful - and I'm betting she never hit you with a Bible because you wouldn't eat your Brussels sprouts.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you don't give your mother enough credit. She's warm, she's loving, she doesn't glue electrodes to your head to measure your brain waves while potty training.

  Sheldon Cooper : You were lucky! When I was a kid, if I wanted an EEG, I had to attach my *own* electrodes.

• Sheldon Cooper : He's holding the phone to his left ear. Ears do not cross hemispheres, so he's using the analytical rather than the emotional side of the brain, suggesting that he has no personal relationship with the caller.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No, I didn't realize it had been so long... Sure, I guess there's no other choice but just to go ahead and do it.

  Sheldon Cooper : He's referrng to an activity he has done before. It's unpleasant and needs to be repeated. This suggests some sort of invasive medical test like perhaps a colonoscopy.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Aren't there any other options? There's not a lot of room. It's going to be uncomfortable.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, yes, I'm definitely going with colonoscopy.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Okay, bye.

  [Leonard looks up to see everyone looking at him] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : My mother's coming to visit.

  Howard Wolowitz : [to Sheldon]  How about that, you were right.

• Sheldon Cooper : Can I make you a cup of tea?

  Beverly : I doubt it! But if anyone has a chance, it's probably you.

• Sheldon Cooper : I have the same problem with him. My theory is that his lack of focus stems from an over-developed sex drive.

  Beverly : Oh, I don't know where he would've gotten that. Aside from a pro forma consummation of our marriage, his father and I only had intercourse for the purposes of reproduction.

  Sheldon Cooper : That seems a fairly efficient arrangement.