The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Work Song Nanocluster (2009)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Penny : If this takes off I won't have to be a waitress anymore.

  Sheldon Cooper : But then who will bring me my cheeseburger on Tuesday nights?

  Penny : Another waitress?

  Sheldon Cooper : What's her name?

  Penny : I don't know.

  Sheldon Cooper : And you're going to let her handle my food?

  Penny : Nancy. Her name is Nancy.

  Sheldon Cooper : I think you're just making that up!

• Penny : Okay, you know what, if I'm not allowed to be snide, you are not allowed to be condescending.

  Sheldon Cooper : That wasn't a part of our original agreement, and I do not agree to it now!

• Sheldon Cooper : Coffee's out of the question. When I moved to California, I promised my mother that I wouldn't start doing drugs.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Talking about Penny's proposed home-based business]  If you took advantage of modern marketing techniques, and you optimized your manufacturing process, you might be able to make this a viable business.

  Penny : And you know about that stuff?

  Sheldon Cooper : [patronizing]  Penny - I'm a physicist. I have a working knowledge of the entire universe and everything it contains.

  Penny : Who's Radiohead?

  Sheldon Cooper : [with facial tic]  I have a working knowledge of the _important_ things in the universe.

• Sheldon Cooper : [after timing how long it took Penny to make a decorative hair barrette]  Based on your cost in materials and your wholesale selling price, you'll effectively be paying yourself five dollars and nineteen cents a day.

  Penny : A day?

  Sheldon Cooper : There are children in a sneaker factory in Indonesia who out-earn you.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Talking about Penny's home business]  Ten dollars a day times five days a week times 52 weeks a year is 2,600 dollars.

  Penny : That's all?

  Sheldon Cooper : Before taxes.

  Penny : Well, I don't have to pay taxes on this stuff.

  Sheldon Cooper : I believe the Internal Revenue Service would strongly disagree.

• Howard Wolowitz : Leonard died again, Sheldon. You're up.

  Sheldon Cooper : Despite my deep love of chess, lasers, and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why?

  Sheldon Cooper : Because it's almost 11:00.

  Leonard Hofstadter : So?

  Sheldon Cooper : So Penny has a "don't knock on my door before 11:00 or I punch you in the throat" rule.

• Sheldon Cooper : Camouflaging bald spots is primarily a male concern. Perhaps we could expand our market.

  Penny : How are flower barrettes gonna appeal to men?

  Howard Wolowitz : We add Bluetooth!

  Sheldon Cooper : Brilliant! Men love Bluetooth!

  Penny : Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You want to make a hair barrette with Bluetooth?

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny - Everything is better with Bluetooth.

• Sheldon Cooper : [How Sheldon knocks on Penny's door, without a pause: knock-knock-knock]  Penny!

  [knock-knock-knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny!

  [knock-knock-knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny!

• [Sheldon delivers a package to Penny] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [Presents clip board]  Excuse me! You have to sign this.

  Penny : What is it?

  Sheldon Cooper : When I signed for the package, I was deputized by the United Parcel Service and entrusted with its final delivery. I now need you to acknowledge receipt of the package so that I am fully indemnified and no longer liable.

  Penny : Sheldon, it's just a box of rhinestones!

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, the contents are irrelevant. A legal bailment has been created. Does that mean nothing to you?

  Penny : It means nothing to anybody!

• Sheldon Cooper : Before we set up a marketing and distribution infrastructure, we should finish optimizing the manufacturing process. To start with, she has a terrible problem with moisture-induced glitter clump.

  Penny : Yeah, it's a bitch!

  Howard Wolowitz : [Inspecting bottle of glitter]  Ah, I've seen this before.

  Penny : Where?

  Howard Wolowitz : It's a common stripper problem: they dance, they sweat, they clump.

  Penny : Eww.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Are you thinking of adding a desiccant like calcium sulfate?

  Howard Wolowitz : Actually, I'm thinking about this one stripper named Vega.

• Penny : How the hell are we gonna make a thousand Penny Blossoms

  [Penny's hair product] 

  Penny : in one day?... I'm gonna have to call them and cancel that order.

  Sheldon Cooper : Excuse me, but was this not your goal? Financial independence through entrepreneurial brilliance and innovation? My brilliance and innovation, of course, but still.

  Penny : I just don't see how we can pull this off.

  Sheldon Cooper : That, right there! That equivocation and self-doubt. That is not the American spirit. Did Davy Crockett quit at the Alamo? Did Jim Bowie?

  Howard Wolowitz : They didn't give up, they were massacred! By like a gazillion angry Mexicans!

• Sheldon Cooper : [to Penny]  Are you familiar with the development that resulted from Honore Blanc's 1778 use of interchangeable parts?

  [long pause] 

  Sheldon Cooper : The assembly line, of course.

• Leonard Hofstadter : All right, what's wrong with it?

  Sheldon Cooper : What's wrong with it?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Not from you!

• Sheldon Cooper : Look at Planck's Constant. People say it's arbitrary. It could not be less arbitrary. If it varied even slightly, life as we know it would not exist. Bam! Now, now, let's reconsider the entire argument, but with entropy reversed and effect preceding cause, so you are thinking of a universe that's not expanding from the centre, no, it is retreating from a, from a possibility space. Bam! This is a space where we are all essentially Alice through the looking glass, standing in front the Red Queen, and we're being offered a cracker to quench our thirst. Bam! Of course, in another universe, let's call it universe prime, there's another Sheldon, let's call him Sheldon prime...

  Penny : We should have let him go to bed.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Bam.

• Penny : Look, I started a business.

  Sheldon Cooper : Obviously not a cleaning business.

• Sheldon Cooper : Let's begin with the premise that everything you've done up to this point is wrong.

  Penny : Oh, imagine that.

  Sheldon Cooper : Sarcasm. Good bye.

  Penny : No, sorry, wait, please come back, come back.