The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Barbarian Sublimation (2008)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Sheldon Cooper : Would you prefer to wait in our apartment?

  Penny : No, Sheldon, I'd rather sit on this freezing cold floor sobbing like a three-year-old.

  Sheldon Cooper : All right then.

  Penny : For God's sake!

  [Goes inside] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Just when I think I've gotten the hang of sarcasm.

• Sheldon Cooper : [Leonard comes walking out of his bedroom and hears this conversation coming from inside Sheldon's bedroom]  Please, Penny, enough. I have to sleep.

  Penny : Ok, well, you were great. Thanks.

  [Penny comes walking out of Sheldon's room quietly before spotting Leonard standing there] 

  Penny : Oh. Hey, Leonard, don't go in Sheldon's room, he's not wearing bottoms.

  [she walks away] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : [knocks on Sheldon's door]  Sheldon, you want to catch me up again?

• Sheldon Cooper : Sheldor back on line.

  Penny : What's AFK?

  Sheldon Cooper : AFK. Away from keyboard.

  Penny : Oh, I see.

  Sheldon Cooper : What does that stand for?

  Penny : Oh, I see.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, but what does it stand for?

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, you have to do something about Penny. She's interfering with my sleep, she's interfering with my work, and if I had another significant aspect of my life, I'm sure she'd be interfering with that too.

• Sheldon Cooper : If you don't figure something out, I warn you I shall become very difficult to live with.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You mean up until now we've been experiencing the happy fun-time Sheldon?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'll go talk to her.

• [first lines] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Fellow warriors, this is Sheldor the Conqueror. We are about to enter Atzel's Fortress; now, this is a long run so let's do another bladder check. All right, Barry, we'll wait for you again, but you really should see a doctor.

  [hears banging outside] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Sheldor is AFK.

  [goes into hall] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Penny, are you experiencing some sort of difficulty?

  Penny : Yes, I can't get my stupid door open.

  Sheldon Cooper : You appear to have put your car key in the door lock; are you aware of that?

  Penny : Yeah.

  Sheldon Cooper : All right, then.

  Penny : Damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it, damn it!

  Sheldon Cooper : Would it be possible for you to do this a little more quietly?

  Penny : I can't get the damn key out.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not surprising. That Baldwin lock on your door uses traditional edge-mounted cylinders, whereas the key for your Volkswagen uses a center cylinder system.

  Penny : Thank you, Sheldon!

  Sheldon Cooper : You're welcome. Point of inquiry: why did you put your car key in the door lock?

  Penny : Why? I'll tell you why. Because today I had an audition, it took me two hours to get there, I waited an hour for my turn, and before I could even start they told me I looked too Midwest for the part. Too Midwest? What the hell does that even mean?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, the American Midwest was mostly settled by Scandinavian and Germanic peoples who, well they have a characteristic facial bone structure...

  Penny : I know what it means, Sheldon! God! You know, I have been in L.A. for almost two years now, and I haven't got a single acting job. I have accomplished nothing, haven't gotten a raise at work, haven't even had sex in six months, and just now when I was walking up those stairs a fly flew in my mouth and I ate it.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, actually, insects are a dietary staple in many cultures, they're almost pure protein.

• Sheldon Cooper : Make yourself comfortable.

  [Penny starts to sit on Sheldon's "spot" on the sofa] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Not there.

• Leonard Hofstadter : You want to catch me up?

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, let's see. Uh, she attempted to open her apartment with her car key because her face is overly Midwestern. Uh, she hasn't had sex in six months. And she ate a fly.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Uh-huh. Seriously? Six months?

• Penny : [Penny walks into Sheldon's room as he's sleeping]  Sheldon?

  [walks towards his bed] 

  Penny : Sheldon?

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon abruptly sits up after a dream]  Danger, danger!

  Penny : No danger, look it's just me, Penny. Listen, I got to level 25 and reached Purple lotus swamp, right?

  Sheldon Cooper : You're in my bedroom.

  Penny : Yes, Leonard gave me an emergency key.

  Sheldon Cooper : People can't be in my bedroom.

  Penny : Ok, well, can we go talk in the living room?

  Sheldon Cooper : I'm not wearing pajama bottoms.

  Penny : Why not?

  Sheldon Cooper : I spilled grape juice.

  Penny : Well, wear different pajamas.

  Sheldon Cooper : Can't wear different pajamas; these are my Monday pajamas.

• Leslie Winkle : Well don't turn it off, you might miss your call from the Nobel Committee letting you know you've been nominated as dumbass laureate of the year.

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh yeah? Well... you wouldn't even be nominated!

• Penny : Oh, my God! A treasure chest. I'm rich!

  Sheldon Cooper : Level 3 and she thinks she's rich. What a noob.

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, wake up.

  Sheldon Cooper : Danger! Danger!

• Sheldon Cooper : I believe the condensation on your frozen foods weakened the structural integrity of the bag.

• Sheldon Cooper : On a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being always initiated by him and 5 being always initiated by you. How do you prefer your sexual encounters to begin?

  Penny : That's on the registration?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh yes, it's quite extensive. But if we complete it, you get a free expansion pack, 75 additional quests.

  Penny : Ooh, awesome. Okay, I totally like to initiate. I'm a big old 5.

• Sheldon Cooper : These are market research questions. I'm filling out the online registration for your game.

  [Sheldon is really setting up an online dating profile for Penny at Headoverheelz.com] 

• Leonard Hofstadter : [watching fluid bounce on a stereo speaker]  Hey, check it out. It's just cornstarch and water.

  Sheldon Cooper : They make up a non-Newtonian fluid which is liquid, but it's solid under the percussive action of the speaker.

  Howard Wolowitz : That's what makes it get all funky.

• Sheldon Cooper : Perhaps you should call a locksmith and have him open the door for you.

  Penny : I did. He said he'll get here when he gets here.

  Sheldon Cooper : And you're frustrated because he phrased his reply in the form of a meaningless tautology?

  Penny : No. I'm frustrated because I'm a failure at everything and my breath smells like fly.

• Sheldon Cooper : If it is a crime to ensure that the university's resources are not being squandered chasing subatomic wild geese, then I plead guilty.

• Sheldon Cooper : I even changed my Facebook status to: "Sheldon Cooper wishes Penny would leave him alone." I don't know what else to do.

• Sheldon Cooper : Just tell me, is it too soon to join a quest to the black castle?

  Sheldon Cooper : You were invited on a quest to the black castle?

  Penny : Yeah yeah, by some guys in Budapest. I'm just not sure it's the right move for my character.

  Sheldon Cooper : Of course it's not. You're only at level 25. These Hungarians are just using you for dragon fodder.