- Blair Waldorf: Limos and virgins, your specialty.
- Chuck Bass: Just so you know, while there are few things I consider sacred, the back of the limo is one of them.
- Emma Boardman: Aren't you done? You won. You, Muffy, my mom. I'm the only loser.
- Blair Waldorf: You still don't get it. Having sex for the first time shouldn't be part of a competition to beat Muffy the lacrosse-stitute. It should be with someone you love.
- Emma Boardman: Was your first time with someone you loved?
- [pause]
- Blair Waldorf: Yes, it was. And honestly there are better ways of getting your mother's attention.
- Emma Boardman: I told you this is about Muffy.
- Blair Waldorf: Please, I wrote the book on distracted self-centered mothers. My mom has never met a single one of my teachers, she regularly forgets my birthday, and she only comments on my appearance when she has something to criticize.
- Emma Boardman: But you're perfect.
- Blair Waldorf: True, but that's why I finally realized it wasn't about me, the same way it's not about you.
- Emma Boardman: My mom always says when we come to the city we're gonna hang out and do mother daughter things. It never happens.
- Blair Waldorf: So tell her that.
- Blair Waldorf: Thank you God so much I won't let you down.
- [looks at the picture of Emma's mom and another guy kissing]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Chuck's seeing if the doorman knows Emma's guy.
- Blair Waldorf: Why? Who cares about him?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Blair no, this poor little girl's mother's having an affair no wonder she's acting out.
- Blair Waldorf: So this is my golden ticket.
- [refers back to the picture]
- Serena van der Woodsen: You are not blackmailing that woman to get into Yale!
- Blair Waldorf: Serena! Open your eyes, this is a sign from God he wants me to do this.
- Serena van der Woodsen: This family needs help!
- Blair Waldorf: Well no argument there, their even more screwed up than yours.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Looks like it's bros before ho's for little J. Who knew when her loyalty kicked in Nate would be kicked out?
- Blair Waldorf: Emma, open up. Emma I know you're in there.
- [Blair knocking on Serge's apartment door trying to get Emma]
- Emma Boardman: Go away! Serge is in the bathroom and when he gets out, there's gonna be one less virgin around here.
- Chuck Bass: You do have to admire her determination.
- Emma Boardman: I'm not letting Muffy lose hers before me, she beats me in everything.
- Chuck Bass: Tell her to check Gossip Girl.
- Blair Waldorf: Emma, do you have your phone? Check Gossip Girl, it's important.
- Emma Boardman: [picks up her phone] Look I already told you nothing's gonna... what?
- [she opens the door]
- Emma Boardman: It says Muffy's muff gets stuffed! Does that mean...
- Blair Waldorf: That little Muffy took her first steps as a woman, afraid so.
- Emma Boardman: She lost her virginity and her Gossip Girl cherry in the same night? But how did she get on Gossip Girl?
- Chuck Bass: It pays to have connections.
- Nate Archibald: What are you doing?
- [Dan pushes Nate up against the wall]
- Dan Humphrey: What am I doing? What are you doing? Or is that not you with my 15 year old sister?
- [shows picture of Nate and Jenny kissing]
- Nate Archibald: Okay, whoa, whoa, just calm down.
- Dan Humphrey: We took you into our house, Nate!
- Nate Archibald: Look, Dan, it's not like I planned on it, alright? Okay, things just happen. I'm sorry. Come on, she's a sophomore, I'm a senior. Don't act like I'm some creepy older guy.
- Dan Humphrey: No, you're the guy who traded sex for money.
- [pause]
- Nate Archibald: My God, Vanessa...
- Dan Humphrey: It's amazing I don't want you with my little sister.
- Nate Archibald: Okay, look I'm sorry I didn't say anything about Jenny, okay? But you have no right to judge me.
- Dan Humphrey: Where is she?
- Nate Archibald: I don't even know, she went off to find Agnes.
- [pause]
- Nate Archibald: Do you want me to come help you find her?
- Dan Humphrey: No, I don't want your help. I want you to pack up your stuff and get out of our house.
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] It seems the saying's true, like mother like daughter - or is it the other way around?
- Blair Waldorf: Looks like you got nailed just not in the way you wanted!
- Emma Boardman: Give me time. Serge and I were just moving the party over to his place.
- Blair Waldorf: Serge? Honestly, how tacky are you?
- Blair Waldorf: You! What did you do with her?
- Chuck Bass: Hey! She assaulted me. Demanded I deflower her.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, limos and virgins your specialty.
- Chuck Bass: Just so you know, what are the few things I consider sacred, the back of a limo is one of them.
- [Blair slightly smiles]
- Serena van der Woodsen: You look beautiful. Can we go now?
- Blair Waldorf: Patience love. The sooner we get there the sooner the jig is up. I'll go check on the vestal virgin.
- Blair Waldorf: Well you finally did it, made absolutely sure I'm never gonna get into Yale.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about?
- Blair Waldorf: Little Emma? Turns out she's less little Holly Hobby and more Jenna Jameson!
- Serena van der Woodsen: Can you speak plainly?
- Blair Waldorf: She's determined to become a woman on my watch and if I don't help pimmp her she's gonna charcter assassinate me to the Dean.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand I thought she liked ice cream and magic.
- Blair Waldorf: Next time leave the scheming to the experts. What are those?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Pictures from Camp Suisse. Aaron dressed up as Cecil the caterpillar. I bumped into him outside the Palace.
- Blair Waldorf: The guy gave you a ring pop when you were six, move on.
- Serena van der Woodsen: It was licorice and I was eight.
- Blair Waldorf: Ancient unimportant history, focus Serena you got me into this and I'm not losing Yale because that little twarts libido!
- Blair Waldorf: Oh sweet heaven.
- [Emma comes out wearing a risqué dress]
- Emma Boardman: So, Muffy McDonough's been bragging about how she's gonna lose her virginity cause she finally landed a date with the lacrosse captain. They call him the d-virginator.
- Blair Waldorf: Oh my god stop your mouth from moving.
- Emma Boardman: But now that I finally have the night away from mom and dad we'll see whose first. I'm saying TTFN to my you-know-what.
- Blair Waldorf: Or maybe we'll see how your mom feels about your little clearance sale Lohan.
- Emma Boardman: Please I heard you talking about getting into Yale, well Dean Berube is like my uncle so hlep me or I tell him how you took me into a club and got me wasted.
- Emma Boardman: Is my Mom gone?
- Blair Waldorf: Yeah. So, what kind of movies do you like? Something where the animals sing, or...
- [sees Emma's short dress]
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, sweet heaven!
- Blair Waldorf: Well, you finally did it! Made absolutely sure that I'm never gonna get into Yale.
- Serena van der Woodsen: What are you talking about?
- Blair Waldorf: Little Emma? Turns out she's less Holly Hobbit and more Jenna Jameson.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Could you speak plainly?
- Blair Waldorf: She's determined to become a woman on my watch, and if I don't help pimp her out, she's gonna character-assassinate me with the dean.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I don't understand. I thought she liked ice cream and magic.
- Chuck Bass: [spots pretty young Emma approaching] Well, what do we have here? Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Chuck...
- Emma Boardman: Bass. Oh, my God. I read about you on Gossip Girl. You're... you're like the devil.
- Chuck Bass: Finally, some truth in advertising. Headed out, are we?
- Emma Boardman: Serena, Blair and I are going to the gala. Hope you're coming.
- Chuck Bass: Well, I'm all for company on a Saturday night, but the only thing I like that aged is my scotch.
- Emma Boardman: What? It's old people? Blair told me it was all hot guys.
- Chuck Bass: Sounds to me like you've been taken for a ride.
- Emma Boardman: Well... how about you taking me for a ride instead?
- Emma Boardman: Wow, a real limo. This is so perfect. By the way, my name is...
- Chuck Bass: Let's not spoil this with you talking.
- Emma Boardman: Fine.
- Gossip Girl: Spotted: Bass taking the bait...
- Emma Boardman: Straight into business then.
- [scoots up close]
- Gossip Girl: ...jailbait, that is.
- Jenny Humphrey: [the policeman said they'd phone her parents from the station] He is my parent. The one having me arrested.