- Angelica: Hello, Uncle Stu. I brought these flowers for Aunt Miriam. Actually, she's not really just my aunt, she's my great-aunt once removed.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: That's good news. If she can be removed once...
- Tommy Pickles: We gotta get that seed outta ya, Chuckie.
- Chuckie Finster: But how?
- Tommy Pickles: Well, um... maybe you could throw up.
- Phil DeVille, Lil DeVille: Yeah!
- Chuckie Finster: I'm not good at throwing up, Tommy.
- Tommy Pickles: Whadaya mean? Ya throw up all the time.
- Chuckie Finster: But I never did it on purpose before. It always just happens. Like last week, I was riding in the backseat of the car, and my dad was singing "Old MacDonald", and then all of a sudden...
- [imitates gagging]
- Tommy Pickles, Phil DeVille, Lil DeVille: [singing] Old MacDonald had a farm...
- Chuckie Finster: STOP! Ugh, you're making me sick.
- Didi Pickles: Aunt Miriam? Oh, I haven't seen her since our wedding. She is such a sweet woman.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Sweet? Ha! That woman's been the bane of my existence for 76 years!
- Didi Pickles: Pop!
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Well, it's true! And I'll be hog-tied if I'll spend two minutes, let alone two days, in her company!
- Stu Pickles: Aw, come on, Pop.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: [while carrying suitcases] If that woman's moving in, I'm moving out! I'll just get a room at the Motel Sticks out by the interstate!
- Stu Pickles: Pop, that place is a dump!
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Well, they've got cable and they don't have Aunt Mim!
- Aunt Miriam: Why, Stu, is that you? Let me take a look at you. Never did fill out, did you, Stu? Are you feeding him, Dolly?
- Didi Pickles: I-It's Didi, actually.
- [Tommy and Chuckie run away after seeing Aunt Miriam]
- Didi Pickles: Ooh, uh, Tommy's usually so good with strangers.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Strangers is one thing. Family is what you gotta watch out for.
- Aunt Miriam: Louis, is that you?
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: It ain't the Pope.
- Aunt Miriam: My favorite cousin! When we were kids, we were thick as thieves!
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: As I recall it, the only thief around was you, Mim. Stealing all my toys.
- Aunt Miriam: Stealing your toys? Oh, Louis, you're a card!
- Didi Pickles: Come on, kids. Time to meet your Aunt Miriam.
- [Didi pushes Tommy and Chuckie towards Miriam]
- Aunt Miriam: Oh, Sally!
- Didi Pickles: [chuckles nervously] It's Didi.
- Aunt Miriam: Oh, Tommy! Oh! Why, he's the spitting image of you as a baby, Louis! And you too, Stu!
- [whispers to Didi]
- Aunt Miriam: I'm afraid it's the Pickles women who get the looks, Kelly.
- Didi Pickles: [chuckles nervously] It's Didi.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: [about Miriam] Another time, she took my favorite ball and threw it over the fence into the next yard! She's a monster, I tell you, a monster!
- Stu Pickles: Oh, now, Pop.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: She is!
- Aunt Miriam: I hate to butt into your life, Ginny, but when are you gonna give up this teaching nonsense and become a full-time mother?
- Didi Pickles: It's Didi.
- Aunt Miriam: [sniffs the mashed potatoes] And shouldn't you put a little more garlic in those potatoes?
- Aunt Miriam: Mmm! Delicious roast. Wish you'd taken my advice on the potatoes, Fifi.
- Didi Pickles: It's Didi.
- Angelica: Tell us another story about when you and Grandpa were little, Aunt Miriam.
- Aunt Miriam: Oh, isn't she just a dolly? Drew, this child is a wonder. She's so smart and polite and well-behaved. I do believe she reminds me of someone. Oh, I know! She's just like ME!
- Aunt Miriam: Louis was always making mischief as a baby. Remember the time you snuck into my room and opened the window above my bed and I got sick? He was such a rascal.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: I did no such thing! That was you, Mim! You opened my window and got me sick!
- Tommy Pickles: [after Miriam leaves her room] She was listening to this.
- [Tommy turns on the radio]
- Man: [on radio] You will take over. Nothing will stop you. Nothing!
- Tommy Pickles: Did you hear that? She's getting messages from outer space!
- Chuckie Finster: Look at this!
- [Chuckie points to Miriam's hair dryer]
- Tommy Pickles: Looks like a space blaster!
- Chuckie Finster: And, Tommy, look at that!
- [Chuckie points to Miriam's wig]
- Tommy Pickles: [gasps] It's...
- [gulps]
- Tommy Pickles: Her hair!
- Chuckie Finster: But it's not on her head, Tommy! It's not on her head!
- Aunt Miriam: I don't understand it, Louis. They took one look at me and ran away. And I'm usually so good with kids.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Yeah, right.
- Aunt Miriam: It's true! When we were growing up, you adored me.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Adored you? Mim, you stole my toys, you got me into trouble, and you were constantly threatening to pound the living daylights out of me! I was plump terrified of you!
- Aunt Miriam: You know, Louis, the only reason I did those things to you was... Well, I was a little jealous.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Jealous? Of me?
- Aunt Miriam: Sure. Remember when you got stuck in that big hole in your mom's garden and those kids we used to play with, Bill and Jill, pulled you out?
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Yeah?
- Aunt Miriam: Well, nobody would have done that for me. All the other kids liked you.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: But they respected you.
- Aunt Miriam: No, they didn't. They were afraid of me. You were the leader. And, well, since I was older, I was a bit... jealous.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Jealous? Gee, Mim, I.. I... I never would have known.
- [Miriam hugs Lou and he hugs her back]
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: You know, Mim, I gotta admit you always were my favorite cousin.
- Aunt Miriam: Louis, I was your only cousin.
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: True.
- [after Miriam leaves]
- Grandpa Lou Pickles: Well, it's always nice to make a new friend, even when you've known them for 76 years.
- Stu Pickles: You know, I'm gonna miss her. She sure is a great aunt, huh, Fifi?
- Didi Pickles: IT'S DIDI!