The Happytime Murders (2018)
Leslie David Baker: Lt. Banning
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Banning : Is Phil in?
Bubbles : He's servicing a client.
[noises of Phil and Sandra having sex are heard]
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Agent Campbell : Word on the street is that you did okay.
Lt. Banning : Okay? Phil Philips is a goddamn hero.
Phil Philips : Oh, no, no, no, Edwards is the hero. I just got a lucky shot off.
Connie Edwards : Come on.
Agent Campbell : No hard feelings?
Phil Philips : Well, no, I still think you're an asshole.
Connie Edwards : Asshole says what?
Agent Campbell : What?
Connie Edwards : [laughing with Phil] I said, "Asshole says what?". And you said...
Phil Philips : And you said, "What?".
Connie Edwards : 'Cause you're an asshole.
Phil Philips : Yeah.
Agent Campbell : What?
Connie Edwards : [laughing again] Every time.
Phil Philips : Yeah.
Connie Edwards : Always works on assholes.
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Phil Philips : You can't actually like me for these murders.
Agent Campbell : We like you very much for these murders.
Phil Philips : What's my motive?
Agent Campbell : The reason most men do stupid things. A woman.
[he turns the lights off and a one-way mirror to an adjacent room opens]
Agent Campbell : Enjoy the show.
Phil Philips : [seeing Sandra inside] What the hell is she doing here?
Connie Edwards : Who is that?
Phil Philips : It's Sandra White. She's one of my clients.
Lt. Banning : Actually, her name is Sandra Peterson. She walked into the federal building this morning and said you murdered her wife, Jenny Peterson.
Phil Philips : Hey, I didn't murder anybody.
Connie Edwards : I didn't know Jenny was even married.
Phil Philips : Neither did I.
Lt. Banning : [turning on the intercom] Let's listen in.
Sandra : Well, he said that he killed them. The entire Happytime Gang, even his own brother.
Phil Philips : What?
Agent Campbell : And why would he do that?
Sandra : We've been having an affair, and he wanted to run away together. He said he killed them all so that I would get my wife Jenny's share, and then I'd be rich, and he could have me all to himself.
Phil Philips : I should have kept my fuzzy blue in my pants.
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Lt. Banning : Good work, you two. I knew you had it in you.
Phil Philips : Oh, thanks, Lieutenant.
Lt. Banning : Edwards, you're off suspension.
Connie Edwards : Thanks, Lieu.
Lt. Banning : And, Phil, I talked to the captain, and he put in a motion with the mayor's office to permanently repeal the Philips Code.
Phil Philips : What?
Lt. Banning : I know it's early, but... what the heck?
[offering Phil his police shield]
Lt. Banning : I've had this sitting in my desk, waiting for this day.
Phil Philips : Wow.
Connie Edwards : How about that? Far be it from me to compliment you, but you're the best damn cop I've ever seen.
Phil Philips : Oh, well, you're no bag of shit, either.
Connie Edwards : Well, you're a real fucking poet, aren't you? You asshole.
Lt. Banning : You are both equally not bags of shit. In fact, when you're working together, you're two peas in a little fucked-up pod.