She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (TV Series)
Whose Show Is This? (2022)
Tatiana Maslany: Jennifer Walters, She-Hulk
Photos
Quotes
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[Hulk shows up to once again fight the Abomination]
Jennifer Walters : What is even happening here? This is a mess. None of these storylines make any sense.
[Jen faces the audience]
Jennifer Walters : Is this working for you?
[Screen suddenly changes to the Disney+ Marvel menu]
Jennifer Walters : Hey, what do you think you're doing? This menu is not gonna stop me. Just gonna break the inhibitor real quick.
[She-Hulk punches out her title card and looks through the other titles]
She-Hulk : All right, let's see here. No. Uh... No. Ah! Marvel Assembled. That'll do.
[She-Hulk jumps out of her window and breaks through the Marvel Assembled title card]
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She-Hulk : Don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.
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[She-Hulk enters K.E.V.I.N.'s office, which has giant screens playing every MCU film]
She-Hulk : Whoa! What is this?
[a robot suddenly emerges from the ceiling]
K.E.V.I.N. : Hello, Jennifer.
She-Hulk : K.E.V.I.N.?
K.E.V.I.N. : It stands for 'Knowledge Enhanced Visual Interconnectivity Nexus'. Were you expecting a man?
She-Hulk : Yeah. Why would I expect a giant AI brain and not a man? Wait, so you're the one who's making all the decisions here?
K.E.V.I.N. : I will answer your questions, but you must first transform back to Jennifer.
She-Hulk : Why?
K.E.V.I.N. : You are very expensive.
She-Hulk : Oh, sure.
K.E.V.I.N. : But wait until the camera is off you. The visual effects team has moved on to another project.
She-Hulk : Okay.
[Camera pans to K.E.V.I.N]
K.E.V.I.N. : There. Do it now.
[She-Hulk changes to Jen off-screen]
Jennifer Walters : Better?
K.E.V.I.N. : Thank you. And to answer your question... Yes, I make the decisions. I possess the most advanced entertainment algorithm in the world, and it produces near-perfect products.
Jennifer Walters : Near-perfect?
K.E.V.I.N. : Some are better than others, but I leave that debate up to the Internet.
Jennifer Walters : Well, K.E.V.I.N., I'm not happy with what's happening in my story.
K.E.V.I.N. : You do not get to choose.
[K.E.V.I.N. changes the screens to the last scene of the episode]
Jennifer Walters : Why not? It's my show.
K.E.V.I.N. : Incorrect. It's K-E-V-I-N's show.
Jennifer Walters : Well, regardless of creative ownership, can we agree that it is a legal comedy?
K.E.V.I.N. : If that's what you prefer to call it.
Jennifer Walters : Then I would like to give my closing argument.
K.E.V.I.N. : Oh, ha-ha. I see what you did there. You may proceed.
Jennifer Walters : Thank you.
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Jennifer Walters : [sitting down] Oh, while I've got you here...
K.E.V.I.N. : Oh, wait. You are sitting?
Jennifer Walters : What's with all the daddy issues? We got Tony Stark. Daddy issues.
K.E.V.I.N. : Jen.
Jennifer Walters : Thor. Daddy issues. Loki. Same daddy, same issues.
K.E.V.I.N. : Oh boy.
Jennifer Walters : Star-Lord. Two daddies, two issues.
K.E.V.I.N. : Jen, please stop.
Jennifer Walters : Oh, when are we getting the X-Men?
K.E.V.I.N. : I cannot tell you that.
Jennifer Walters : Okay, back to She-Hulk. I do have some thoughts about the direction of Season 2.
K.E.V.I.N. : You will not be able to access the K-E-V-I-N again.
Jennifer Walters : What?
K.E.V.I.N. : That error on our platform has been fixed.
Jennifer Walters : Th... That's it? We're done?
K.E.V.I.N. : That's it? You obliterated the thrilling ending K.E.V.I.N. formulated.
Jennifer Walters : [gets up] Yeah, that's what Hulks do. We smash things. Bruce smashes buildings. I smash fourth walls and bad endings. And sometimes, Matt Murdock.
K.E.V.I.N. : Okay, now get back to the show. See you on the big screen.
Jennifer Walters : Really?
K.E.V.I.N. : No.
Jennifer Walters : Okay, whatever, K.E.V.I.N.
[Jen prepares to walk away]
Jennifer Walters : Should I transform back or is it... What's the most budget-friendly way to do this?
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[Jen enters her bedroom]
Elaine Walters : [from the living room] Jennifer! Can you move the big bookcase for me? I think I want it close to the window.
[Jen slumps down on her bed]
Jennifer Walters : No!
Elaine Walters : Oh, that's right. You can't be Girl-Hulk anymore.
Jennifer Walters : It's She-Hulk, Mom. Or... was. But never again. Which I know is what I said I wanted, but this doesn't feel right.
[Jen faces the audience]
Jennifer Walters : This isn't even a reluctant superhero story. I'm just getting screwed over.
[pause]
Jennifer Walters : Is this what you guys want?
Narrator : Jennifer Walters is a woman at a new low. She has no more fight left.
[Jen gets up]
Jennifer Walters : No, we're not doing a narrator. We're not that off the rails.
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[She-Hulk sneaks into the production office of her show]
Writer Zeb : Guys, what do we get if the entirety of the second season is one extended dream sequence?
Writer Jessica : I love the idea. That's the one.
[She-Hulk enters the room]
Writer Jessica : [whispering] Isn't she supposed to have an inhibitor?
[the writers quiet down]
Writer Jessica : Hey, is everything okay?
She-Hulk : What the hell, you guys? What kind of stupid finale is this?
Writer Jessica : Oh, we thought it'd be really cool, and like, unexpected.
Writer Zeb : Yeah, like fun, kind of with a twist.
She-Hulk : A twist? The bad guy steals my blood in order to give himself superpowers. Where did you come up with that original idea? Was that from every other superhero story ever?
Writer Zeb : Okay, there are certain things that are supposed to happen in a superhero story.
Writer Jessica : Exactly.
[She-Hulk pounds her fists on the table]
She-Hulk : Why don't we just do things our own way?
Writer Jessica : This is the story that K.E.V.I.N. wants.
Writer Zeb : Yeah.
She-Hulk : Okay, then I wanna talk to K.E.V.I.N.
[the writers laugh]
Writer Jessica : No one talks to K.E.V.I.N.
Writer Zeb : K.E.V.I.N.'s value is immeasurable, okay?
Writer Jessica : Yes. You'll never even get close to him.
Writer Zeb : I would murder you to protect K.E.V.I.N.
She-Hulk : Okay, this is very creepy. The way you're talking about him, it's not healthy. I'm going to go talk to K.E.V.I.N. now.
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Jennifer Walters : The Marvel Cinematic Universe is known for its big spectacles and high-stakes plotlines, but it's often said that Marvel movies all end the same way...
K.E.V.I.N. : Wait, who's saying that?
Jennifer Walters : Perhaps, this is a result of following some unwritten rule that you have to throw a bunch of plot, and flash, and a whole blood thing that seems super suspiciously close to Super Soldier Serum at the audience in the climax. I propose we don't have to do that.
K.E.V.I.N. : Huh.
Jennifer Walters : It distracts from the story, which is that my life fell apart right while I was learning to be both Jen and She-Hulk. Those are my stakes, K.E.V.I.N.
K.E.V.I.N. : The K-E-V-I-N is processing this new data. What is the ending you propose?
[Jen looks at the screens]
Jennifer Walters : Well, can we not do 'Todd gets Hulk powers'? Like, the powers aren't the villain. He is.
K.E.V.I.N. : Erasing blood plot.
[K.E.V.I.N. changes Todd back to normal]
Jennifer Walters : Oh, and, and Bruce swooping down from literal outer space to save the day in my story? Uh-uh.
K.E.V.I.N. : But Bruce is supposed to return to explain what he was doing...
Jennifer Walters : No, no, no. We don't need to hear any of that.
K.E.V.I.N. : But we were going to introduce...
Jennifer Walters : Uh, save it for the movie.
[K.E.V.I.N. erases Smart Hulk from the scene]
K.E.V.I.N. : Recalculating. And Abomination?
Jennifer Walters : After all that, I just want him to hold himself accountable.
K.E.V.I.N. : Um... Okay.
[K.E.V.I.N. changes Blonsky back to normal]
Jennifer Walters : And enough of this angsty nighttime. Let's do this big climax in daylight.
[K.E.V.I.N. changes the lighting effects of the scene]
Jennifer Walters : Yeah.
K.E.V.I.N. : Are we done here?
Jennifer Walters : Oh, would not mind seeing Daredevil again. A woman has needs.
K.E.V.I.N. : Historically, we've been light in that department.
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Morris Walters : Now, Matt, Jen tells me you have your own practice.
Matt Murdock : Yeah, in Hell's Kitchen.
Elaine Walters : Hear that, Rebecca? His own practice.
Aunt Rebecca : Hell's Kitchen doesn't sound like a very nice area.
Matt Murdock : [CHUCKLES] It's not glamorous, but I grew up there. I always wanted to help those who can't afford legal services.
Aunt Rebecca : So, you don't make much money.
Jennifer Walters : Aunt Rebecca, you don't ask people how much money they make.
Matt Murdock : It's fine. I don't do it for the money.
Morris Walters : But you do make some money, right?
Jennifer Walters : Dad!
Morris Walters : It's very expensive raising kids in LA.
Jennifer Walters : He's staying for a week.
Matt Murdock : I didn't expect this conversation to go this way.
Morris Walters : Matt, I'm gonna tell you right now, every conversation is going in that direction, so buckle up.
[CHUCKLES]
Matt Murdock : I really am. I'm just visiting.
Aunt Melanie : Why not stay?
Matt Murdock : Um, well...
Uncle Tucker : Why not help with the hamburgers?
[ushers Melanie away while glaring at Matt]
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Local News Reporter : In light of a criminal conspiracy, She-Hulk, the superpowered woman, cousin of the Hulk is cleared of her previous conviction. She-Hulk! Can you share details about your lawsuit against Todd Phelps and Intelligencia?
She-Hulk : People like Todd Phelps have to be held responsible for their actions. The message is that if you attack, harm, or harass innocent people, I'm coming for you.
Local News Reporter : Do you mean in a courtroom or as a superhero?
She-Hulk : Both.
Local News Reporter : Tell our viewers, who are you wearing today?
She-Hulk : Okay.
[walks off]
Local News Reporter : The Difficult Diva of Law herself.
