- John McClaine: [on TV] Yippie-kai-yay, Mister Falcon.
- Missy Cooper: Wait, who is Mister Falcon?
- Georgie Cooper: No one.
- Missy Cooper: Then why did he say it?
- Georgie Cooper: Well, in the real version he said a bad word, but they had to change it for TV.
- Missy Cooper: TV is so lame. What did he really say?
- [Georgie whispers in Missy's ear]
- Missy Cooper: That's so much better.
- Georgie Cooper: This movie works on a lot of levels.
- Missy Cooper: [Looking in the kitchen cupboard] Son of a Mitch!
- Mary Cooper: Melissa Cooper!
- Missy Cooper: What? I said Mitch. There's nothing wrong with that.
- Mary Cooper: But you meant another word!
- Missy Cooper: [Looks inquisitively] I'm sorry, what other word?
- Mary Cooper: [Cornered, flustered] Just watch it!
- Missy Cooper: Hold on. So you're saying if I have a friend whose dad's name is Mitch, I'm not allowed to talk about him?
- Mary Cooper: I know what you're doing.
- Missy Cooper: Okay. I just feel bad for my friend.
- [Leaving]
- Missy Cooper: That poor Son Of A Mitch.
- Mary Cooper: Melissa Cooper!
- George Cooper Sr.: Sheldon, sometimes being right isn't the most important thing.
- Sheldon Cooper: I'm glad you feel that way because, boy, are you wrong.
- Meemaw: House salad? You watching your figure?
- Coach Dale Ballard: I have a physical tomorrow.
- Meemaw: Oh, so your plan is to start eating healthy now?
- Coach Dale Ballard: Can't hurt.
- Meemaw: It ain't gonna undo 70 years of red meat and beer.
- Coach Dale Ballard: I'm not trying to undo it, I'm just trying to hide it under some lettuce.
- Meemaw: My husband went to the doctor. They found something. Two days later, he was in surgery. Nine months later, he was dead.
- Coach Dale Ballard: Jeez.
- Meemaw: I don't want that. And I... I don't want to put anyone else through that.