Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Whipped Unto the Third Generation (2009)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan : The problem is, the women have established a beachhead.

  [Charlie chuckles loudly] 

  Alan : What?

  Charlie : Nothing, nothing. You just reminded me of why I bought a house in Malibu.

• Alan : As you know, I pay my fair share of the rent around here.

  Charlie : Well, you and I have different ideas of fair. And share. And rent. But go on.

• Chelsea : We need to find somebody for Sir Lancelot.

  Charlie : Your cat?

  Chelsea : Yeah. Doesn't he deserve some happiness?

  Charlie : He can lick his own crotch! What else does he need?

• Evelyn : [On the answering machine]  Hello, Charlie. It's your mother. Remember me? The woman who carried you in her womb for roughly seven-and-a-half months? Anyway, I'd say call me, but what's the point? I've long since given up expecting any kind of consideration or...

  [machine cuts her off] 

  Chelsea : Seven-and-a-half months?

  Charlie : She always said if God had intended us to give up our figures, he wouldn't have invented C-sections and incubators.