Greg Giraldo: Midlife Vices (2009 TV Special)

Greg Giraldo: Self - Host

Quotes 

• [repeated line] 

  Greg Giraldo - Host : Snacks!

• Greg Giraldo - Host : I better not suck!

• Greg Giraldo - Host : I saw one of those Hummers, those giant Hummer cars, with handicap tags on it. Yeah, I thought, "Wow, I didn't realize that being an asshole was technically a handicap!"

• [on Heelies] 

  Greg Giraldo - Host : Fat kids on wheels; is that a good idea, do you think?

• Greg Giraldo - Host : When I was a kid, if you had asthma, people beat the shit out of you, because it was unusual. Nobody had it, so people picked on you! Now, every kid's got some sort of apparatus, and, you know, helmets and pills and all kinds of shit. They pick on the kid that doesn't! "Hey, check out the nose-breather! Ha! Why don't you walk up some stairs, faggot?"

• [on if his son were gay] 

  Greg Giraldo - Host : If he wants to bring his new husband to Thanksgiving dinner, great, but if they start fisting the turkey, you know...

• Greg Giraldo - Host : There are more whipped men on television than there were on the Amistad.

• Greg Giraldo - Host : Is that person sleeping? There's seriously a guy sleeping; is that a guy? I can't even tell. Oh, there's a dude sleeping, dead center. That is fucking great.