How I Met Your Mother (TV Series)
Rabbit or Duck (2010)
Jason Segel: Marshall Eriksen
Quotes
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Robin Scherbatsky : So that settles it. Don's a rabbit.
Ted Mosby : I wouldn't be too sure. Don... Donald... Donald Duck? And what, I wonder, does Donald Duck never wear?
Lily Aldrin : Pants!
Ted Mosby : Pants. Don's a duck. Requesting permission to lawyered.
Marshall Eriksen : I'll allow it.
Ted Mosby : Lawyered!
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Marshall Eriksen : I mean, look, when you first met Don, you hated him, you thought "This guy's a duck", but one of these days you're gonna realize "This is actually someone that I love, he's a rabbit".
Ted Mosby : Wow I think you got it backwards there, buddy. The duck is the thing you love, the rabbit is the thing you hate.
Marshall Eriksen : What?
Robin Scherbatsky : Yeah I got to agree. Duck's up, rabbit down.
Lily Aldrin : Definitely. Ducks are better than rabbits.
Marshall Eriksen : I got... ducks are... ducks are... rabbits are adorable. Ducks are aargh. Have you ever been in a fight with a duck? I mean, ducks are... jerks.
Narrator : This lead to one of the most intense arguments our group has ever had.
[Flash forward, everyone is yelling]
Ted Mosby : Duck is delicious. Rabbit is all gamey.
Marshall Eriksen : We're not talking about flavour, Ted!
Ted Mosby : Flavour counts!
[Flash forward, yelling]
Marshall Eriksen : Who carries a duck's foot for good luck? Anyone?
Robin Scherbatsky : [Flash forward, yelling] You wrap yourself in a comforter stuffed with rabbit hair. I wrap myself in one stuffed with duck feathers. Who's cosier? No, no, no, no, no, no... who's cosier?
Ted Mosby : [Flash forward] Hold on, I've got to get another book.
Ted Mosby : [Flash forward] Then why don't we take, a rabbit, a duck, stick 'em in a cardboard box and let them fight it out?
Marshall Eriksen : Because it's illegal, Ted!
Ted Mosby : Only if we bet on it, Marshall!
Marshall Eriksen : [Flash forward] FINE! I CAN SEE IT! YOU WIN!
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Barney Stinson : Get rid of it!
Marshall Eriksen : What?
Barney Stinson : This phone is cursed! It just never stops ringing! I try to ignore it, but I can't! I'ts ruining my life! I should get that.
[Marshall takes the phone]
Barney Stinson : No, let me answer it! It could be an emergency! She might be trapped inside a giant bra!
Ranjit : Barney, let it go... to voice mail.
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Waiter : And you, Sir? The rabbit or the duck?
Ted Mosby : What?
Waiter : It's a pre-fixed menu for Valentine's Day and we're already out of the steak, fish and chicken. So rabbit or duck?
Ted Mosby : [Regarding his date] Rabbit. Sorry, guys, I gotta go.
[he leaves]
Marshall Eriksen : Why would Ted order the rabbit if he's just gonna run out?
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Barney Stinson : So, anyone know who won the Super Bowl last night?
Marshall Eriksen : You should know. You were there...
Barney Stinson : I won! I now have a magic phone that never stops ringing. And who's usually at the other end? A hot chick. The number of women who want me is now infinity!
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Marshall Eriksen : Well, dog my cats! I think I know what's going on here. Robin... did you WANT Don to ask out?
Robin Scherbatsky : Whaaat?
[In a high voice; huffs]
Robin Scherbatsky : Nooo, I HATE Don! I-I-I can't stop thinking how much I hate him, it's like, it's like... all the time. I just wanna attack him and rip his stupid clothes off and spank him with his little paddle until his bum's all red. SHUT UP!
[Leaves the table]
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Marshall Eriksen : [Running through the bar in search of Ted's future wife] Hey! Hey, wanna get married?
Lily Aldrin : [Talking to another girl, annoyed] I don't know what kind of architect? Houses, buildings, that kind of crap.
Marshall Eriksen : [to threes girls sitting together] Wanna marry my friend Ted?
[to the 2nd one]
Marshall Eriksen : Wanna marry my friend Ted?
[to the 3d one]
Marshall Eriksen : Wanna marry my friend Ted?
Lily Aldrin : You can be choosey? You're in a bar on Valentine's Day, uh!
Marshall Eriksen : Hey, just real quick...
[the girl pepper-sprays him, he writhes in pain]
Marshall Eriksen : you wanna marry my friend Ted?
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Marshall Eriksen : [Trying to pick a date for Ted] Trudy?
Lily Aldrin : Married.
Marshall Eriksen : Blah Blah?
Lily Aldrin : Committed.
Marshall Eriksen : Relationship?
Lily Aldrin : Bellevue.
Marshall Eriksen : Natalie?
Lily Aldrin : Ted's her least favorite person in the world.
Marshall Eriksen : Well, she's not getting any younger.