- Blues Singer: I don't know if I can really explain it in words. It's more like something you live.
- Kyle Bradway: Like the black experience.
- Blues Singer: And having stuff to be blue about.
- Kyle Bradway: Yeah, okay! Like... I did this movie, right? It was supposed to bump me up to the B-list. Well, it goes straight to video. And this yoga model I was hooking up with? Stops calling. AND my Xbox is all weird. It's like nothing's going right!
- [in regards to a white mistress at a black man's funeral]
- Black man: I saw her come in and I was like 'Who here came down with a case of jungle fever?'
- Mary: Right, like any of these guys...
- Roman DeBeers: Actually, you have it reversed. Her lusting after him, thats jungle fever.
- Black man: I think it applies generally.
- Roman DeBeers: No, technically its white on black.
- Mary: Because black people live in the jungle?
- Roman DeBeers: Not all, obviously. Just no white people do.
- Black man: Well what term would you use to refer to a black person lusting after a white person?
- Roman DeBeers: Temperate deciduous fever? Fjord fever? These are all just facts of semantics, I'm not being racist. I'm post-racial. People are people. If you're cool, you're cool.
- Mary: If you're an ass, you're an ass.
- Roman DeBeers: Exactly.
- Ron Donald: What are they going to say about me? Here lies Ronald Wayne Donald. Repeated first grade because he couldn't figure out scissors. First in his class to master a keg stand. Partied for 20 years. Ran a soup place for 5 months. Never did anything. Never won anything. It didn't matter. Now he's dead, and nobody cares. And nothing to hang up on the wall to show he even existed.