- Kevin: [24:00] Were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?
- Finch: Not us, our generation, we were more mature.
- Steve Stifler: Check it out vagina shark.
- [goes under water, girls scream]
- Finch: I take that back.
- Jim Levenstein: Stifler's having a party tonight. OK, I know that doesn't sound romantic or anything, but remember our first time was at a Stifler party. You made me your bitch.
- Michelle: Yes. Yes I did.
- MILF Guy #1: Milf?
- MILF Guy #2: Milf...?
- MILF Guy #1: Milf!
- MILF Guy #2: Milf!
- MILF Guy #1, MILF Guy #2: Milf! Milf! Milf! Milf! Milf!
- Stifler's Mom: I once caught Steven sticking my hairbrush up his ass. It wasn't the handle side either.
- Jim's Dad: Is it an erectile problem? Because sometimes, you can buy a little time... with a well-placed thumb.
- AJ: Did you just refer to yourself as the Stifmeister? Coz that's, like, the lamest name ever.
- Steve Stifler: I'm gonna fucking kill you.
- Jim's Dad: It is so great to see all you kids back in town. And what a terrific soiree are you throwing here tonight. Just wonderful.
- Steve Stifler: You know what? I'm gonna get you fucked up.
- Kara: Jim? I can't believe it's you. You don't remember me do you? Remember Teletubbies Tuesdays?
- Jim Levenstein: Kara? No, oh my god, what? You're not a kid anymore.
- Kara: It's been a long time since I needed a babysitter.
- Jim Levenstein: I can't believe how much you've grown up.
- Kara: Thanks. It's actually my eighteenth birthday tomorrow.
- Jim Levenstein: Eighteen, wow.
- Kara: You should come to my party.
- Jim Levenstein: Oh, thank you, no, I... that might be...
- Kara: Please I want you to come so bad.
- Kevin: [30:18] Stifler! Are you crazy? Jesus, Stifler! What happened to just stealing their beer?
- Steve Stifler: I know! This is so much better, right?
- Kevin: You destroyed their Jet Skis
- Steve Stifler: They splashed us, so...
- Sherman: [Talking about his divorce] At least I got to keep little Furlong.
- Steve Stifler: You named your kid after Eddie Furlong?
- Sherman: Yes I did. You know why? Because Terminator 2 is still the greatest film ever made.
- Steve Stifler: Dude, you need to get banged bad.
- Steve Stifler: [Whispering as he drops his shorts and sits on some high school students' cooler] I'm shitting in their cooler.
- Jim Levenstein: [Gagging] I'm going to throw up.
- [Finch's Mom and Stifler are having sex]
- Steve Stifler: Oh, take those off!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: We shouldn't be doing this.
- Steve Stifler: Yes, we should!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Oh, Stifler!
- Steve Stifler: Oh, Finch's Mom!
- Steve Stifler: Call me the Stifmeister!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Yeah, you are the Stifmeister!
- Steve Stifler: Oh, Finch's Mom!
- Steve Stifler: Tell me I'm the best!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: You are the best!
- Steve Stifler: Oh, Finch's Mom!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Yes! Yes!
- Steve Stifler: Oh, your son's such a dork!
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Stop talking about him!
- [Finch's Mom screams]
- Steve Stifler: Choir Chick! Whoa!
- Heather: [Sarcastically] Nice to see you too, Stifler.
- Steve Stifler: Who's this douche?
- Dr. Ron: I'm her boyfriend.
- Steve Stifler: So, you two are banging, and you two used to bang. This must be awkward for all of you.
- Oz: It is now.
- [from trailer]
- Steve Stifler: Ladies, you'd better be working hard - you weren't hired for your looks. Actually you were. Not you.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Excuse me.
- Steve Stifler: Hi.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Hi.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: I'm looking for Paul Finch. Have you seen him anywhere?
- Steve Stifler: What do you want with Finch?
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: I'm here to pick him up. I'm his mom.
- Steve Stifler: [Stifler looks excited] Finch has a mom?
- Steve Stifler: I mean, you're Finch's mom?
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Yeah, are you a friend of his?
- Steve Stifler: Oh, yeah. Paul is like my best friend. I love him so much. More now than ever before. In fact, I can't believe we haven't met. I'm Steve Stifler.
- [Rachel and Stifler shake hands, then Stifler kisses Rachel's hand]
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: I'm Rachel.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: You know, when I was in high school, I dated a lacrosse player. In fact, I dated a few of them.
- Steve Stifler: You don't say.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: I always wanted Paul to be more into sports. But, he was just never that interested.
- Steve Stifler: You don't have to sugarcoat it. Finch was a klutz.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: [Rachel laughs] Yeah, I guess he was, but he did not get that from me. I was head cheerleader.
- [Jessica announces to Kevin she is a lesbian now, then Stifler appears in the conversation]
- Steve Stifler: Lesbians?
- [Stifler laughs]
- Steve Stifler: I knew it. Why don't you guys make out a prove it?
- Ingrid: You must be Stifler.
- [Ingrid and Stifler shake hands]
- Ingrid: Heard a lot about you, mostly negative.
- [Stifler's hand hurts from shaking Ingrid's hand]
- Steve Stifler: Ouch.
- Steve Stifler: Cool, dude. What the fuck?
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: [1:41:24] If there's anything I learned from lacrosse players, it's that I like to handle a stick and cradle those balls.
- Steve Stifler: [Excitedly] I love you.
- Rachel - Finch's Mom: Are you ready for me, Stifler?
- Jim's Dad: [13:26] You know, your mother and I did go to a lot of movies.
- Jim's Dad: You know it's been 3 years since she passed. There's gotta be someone in town you can see a movie with.
- Jim's Dad: I have you, now. Let's see a movie tonight, you and me.
- Jim's Dad: Tonight, uh, well, um, I made plans with the guys to meet up with them tonight at the bar. But you know, I don't need to do that.
- Jim Levenstein: No, no, this is just while you're in town, isn't it?
- Finch: [32:07] Stifler, do you know where you're going?
- Steve Stifler: I know this place like the back of my cock.