The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Engagement Reaction (2011)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : Do you know where the phrase jibber-jabber comes from?
Penny : Oh, my God, you're about to jibber-jabber about jibber-jabber.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, let's go!
Sheldon Cooper : To a hospital? Full of sick people? Oh, I don't think so.
Penny : Okay, well, your friend and his mother are there. We're going!
Sheldon Cooper : I can't.
Penny : Oh, don't tell me you're afraid of germs.
Sheldon Cooper : Not all germs. Just the ones that will kill me. The same way I'm not afraid of all steak knives; just the ones that might be plunged in my thorax.
Leonard Hofstadter : Ah-uh, fine, I'll tell Howard you didn't come because you're more concerned about your own well-being than his.
Sheldon Cooper : I would think he would know that.
Penny : Okay, you know what? You are unbelievable. You buy all these superhero T-shirts but when it's time for you to step up and do the right thing, you just hide in the laundry room.
Sheldon Cooper : Fine, I'll go. Just for the record, my Aunt Ruth died in a hospital. She went in to visit my Uncle Roger, caught something, and bit the dust a week later. The two of them now share a coffee can on my mother's mantel.
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Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon has walked into a quarantined room] Oh, what fresh hell is this?
[tries to leave]
Nurse in Biohazard Suit : Wait, you can't leave here, you've been exposed!
Sheldon Cooper : [puts his shirt over his nose] No, I haven't. It's all good.
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[last lines]
[the guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a with a quarantined Sheldon]
Sheldon Cooper : [plays card] Mountain Elf.
Raj Koothrappali : He takes the elf from off the shelf.
Leonard Hofstadter : [plays card] Hellhounds.
Raj Koothrappali : Hellhounds!
[to the tune of "Who Let The Dogs Out"]
Raj Koothrappali : Who let the Satanic dogs out? Who, who, who?
Howard Wolowitz : [plays card] Colossal Serpent.
Raj Koothrappali : [grabs his crotch] I've got a colossal serpent *right here*.
Sheldon Cooper : [exasperated] Must you?
Raj Koothrappali : Sorry, I'm just trying to cheer my buddy up.
[plays card]
Raj Koothrappali : Rotting Zombie.
[brief pause]
Raj Koothrappali : Sheldon's new Facebook photo.
Sheldon Cooper : Zandor, wizard of the North, ha, I win!
Howard Wolowitz : If you skip the part about being under a two week quarantine because you were exposed to a deadly disease, absolutely.
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Sheldon Cooper : I gargled with tequila and may have swallowed a teeny bit.
Leonard Hofstadter : You all right?
Sheldon Cooper : Fine. Thank you for asking. I love you so much.
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[Sheldon has accidentally drunk out of Leonard's water glass]
Sheldon Cooper : The backwash into this glass is every pathogen that calls your mouth "home sweet home." Not to mention the visitors who arrive on the dancing tongue of your subtropical girlfriend.
Raj Koothrappali : Hey! That's my sister and my country you're talking about! Leonard may have defiled one, but I won't have you talking smack about the other!
Bernadette Rostenkowski : You guys ready to order?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. I'd like a seven-day course of penicillin, some syrup of ipecac to induce vomiting, and a mint.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : I don't understand.
Howard Wolowitz : He drank from Leonard's glass.
Sheldon Cooper : "He drank from Leonard's glass." Words they'll be carving into my tombstone.
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[Sheldon takes a drink of water]
Raj Koothrappali : Sheldon, that's my water.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh dear Lord!
[he runs into the bathroom]
Leonard Hofstadter : That's not your water.
Raj Koothrappali : I know.
[Leonard smiles]
Sheldon Cooper : [off-screen] Where's the mouth wash?
Raj Koothrappali : [pulling it out from underneath the cushion next to him] Where indeed?
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[the guys are playing Mystic Warlords of Ka'a]
Sheldon Cooper : [plays card] Fire demon.
Raj Koothrappali : Ooh, fire demon, Sheldon's turning up the heat!
Howard Wolowitz : [plays card] Troll master.
Raj Koothrappali : Check it, Howard pulls one out from under the bridge. Nice!
Leonard Hofstadter : [plays card] Water nymph.
Raj Koothrappali : Oh yeah, she's got puddles in all the right places.
Sheldon Cooper : Could you please play the game without commenting on every card?
Raj Koothrappali : Sorry.
[plays card]
Raj Koothrappali : Walking tree.
[looks at Sheldon imploringly]
Sheldon Cooper : Last one
Raj Koothrappali : I'm taking a stroll and I'm sporting wood!
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Howard Wolowitz : It was either a heart attack, or a heart attack like event.
Penny : What's the difference?
Sheldon : A heart attack like event is an event that's like a heart attack.
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Sheldon Cooper : [at the hospital] Howard, I have to go to the bathroom and no one will take me home.
Howard Wolowitz : What's wrong with the bathroom here?
Sheldon Cooper : Pneumococcus, streptococcus, staphylococcus and other assorted coccuses.
Howard Wolowitz : Sheldon, my mother is on her deathbed and my fiancée is grief-stricken over putting her there. I'm not taking you home.
Sheldon Cooper : Will you at least go with me to the restroom here, so you can open the door and flush the urinal?
Howard Wolowitz : No!
Sheldon Cooper : This might be a good time to point out, Howard, that friendship requires a certain give and take.