- Bill Compton: Vampires have often found it advantageous to maintain a hidden presence in humanity's most powerful institutions and in the 1600's, that was the Catholic Church and today, as you all know, it's Google and Fox News.
- Jason Stackhouse: I swear, look, as much as I love it; every bad thing that's ever happened to me is 'cause of sex. Jealous boyfriends. Becoming a drug addict.
- Hoyt Fortenberry: Mmm. Uh, being accused of murder.
- Jason Stackhouse: Right. And now this. I mean, it started out innocent. So innocent. With me chasing Crystal's cute little butt And ended up with me in a shack, getting repeatedly violated.
- [Thinks]
- Jason Stackhouse: I don't know, maybe God's punishing me for, for having too much sex. You know, he's like "Jason Stackhouse, you have fucked too many hot women. Now let's see how you like it".
- Hoyt Fortenberry: I'm thinking maybe you ain't the only one being punished.
- Jason Stackhouse: Wait. Jessica raped you?
- Hoyt Fortenberry: No! No, but look, something's up with her. Like, I love that girl so much, but lately she's real distant. Like, if go to give her a hug, her whole body tenses up like she's having a cavity filled.
- Jason Stackhouse: Bubba, I love ya, and you my best friend, but that pales in comparison to what I've been through.
- Adele Stackhouse: [In Marnie's head] Sookie, I know you're listening. It's Gran.
- Marnie Stonebrook: What?
- Adele Stackhouse: Sweetheart, this woman poses great danger.
- Marnie Stonebrook: No! How could I be a danger to someone? I have never hurt anybody.
- Adele Stackhouse: Get away from her. Run, Sookie, run. Get out now!
- [Sookie gets up]
- Marnie Stonebrook: What are you doing?
- Sookie Stackhouse: Lady, when my Gran tells me to run, I run.
- Pam De Beaufort: I'm through making nice, Bill. I can put up with a lot, but you fuck with my face, it's time to die. And I'd like permission to torture and kill the mousy little bitch who cast the spell.
- Bill Compton: I'm afraid not, Pam. The Authority has forbidden all vampire on human violence. The punishment is the true death. I do not wish that for you.
- Pam De Beaufort: Look at my fucking face! Convene your sheriffs so we can kill this uppity Wiccan cunt!
- [pause]
- Pam De Beaufort: Your majesty.
- Marnie Stonebrook: What happened?
- Lafayette Reynolds: Hooker, you pissed off another vampire and then you took a goddamn nap.
- Marnie Stonebrook: This spirit is benevolent. She is our protector.
- Tara Thornton: Protector? Because of her, we got two vampires just itching to put us in the ground.
- Marnie Stonebrook: But the vampires brought this fight to us. We assembled peacefully. We were harming no one.
- Lafayette Reynolds: That's some catchy shit for your headstone.
- Bill Compton: We share a bloodline. From now on, our relationship will be strictly professional.
- Portia Bellefleur: Fact, 42 states have repealed their anti-incest laws. Even in cases of brother and sister, they have found no credible reason To ban sex between two consenting adults.
- Bill Compton: Please do not think that you have my consent.
- Sookie Stackhouse: I've been meaning to ask you how your group's going. Heck, I don't even know what you call it. Witch group? Wicca group?
- Holly Cleary: Well, Wicca usually, but witch is fine, too. Scares off the dummies that think we all fly around on broomsticks turning people into toads.
- Arlene Fowler: I am just so happy that you people are willing to use your special gift For this sort of thing to help us out.
- Lettie Mae Thornton: What you mean, you people?
- Arlene Fowler: [Awkwardly] You know... religious.
- Arlene Fowler: [the Reverend and Lettie Mae are burning sage] Smells a little like pot.
- Terry Bellefleur: Not really.
- Lettie Mae Thornton: Shhh. The sage smokes out the evil. Gotta get it up from the corners.
- Reverend Daniels: That's where the evil hides.
- Lettie Mae Thornton: You know, I was possessed by a demon, so I have firsthand knowledge.
- Arlene Fowler: Well, we don't have a demon, just a ghost.
- Lettie Mae Thornton: Oh. Well, this works on ghosts, too.
- Bill Compton: [about Marnie] I will glamour her to be certain.
- Pam De Beaufort: Are you insane? You can't go anywhere near her.
- Bill Compton: Insanity comes with the job.