- Cary: Why don't they just break through the window?
- Vogel: Zombies are too weak.
- Cary: They're not zombies. Zombies don't run.
- Vogel: What about in Dawn of the Dead?
- Cary: The zombies didn't run in Dawn of the Dead.
- Vogel: The remake.
- Cary: Phfft! The remake!
- Vogel: I know... the original had subtext. You know what else the original had? Blue zombies! You have to admit, the first ten minutes of the remake were...
- Cary: Hey, how much did you pay to see the remake? Twelve bucks? Kind of expensive for ten good minutes, huh?
- Vogel: What I don't get is with all these sucker fuckers around, why did only one vampire attack the mechanic? Why didn't they gang-fang him like they did McDougall?
- McDougall: You want some coffee?
- Brewster: Yeah... and a bathroom. I've had to pee since dinner.
- McDougall: Well, you're in luck. Best thing about being a man is, whole world's your toilet. Why, out there, there're a hundred places you can drain the tank and look at metal twisted into shapes you never dreamed of. It's like... it's like pissin' in an art museum.
- [Brewster picks up his phone off the floor]
- Brewster: Bitch! You drop these once, they're only good for butt-plugs!
- Waitress: Hey honey, if you see a pair of polka-dot panties in there, be a doll and bring them in with you. I think I left them by accident when I took my morning dinky.
- Waitress: What you carrying today, Brewster? Anything that nobody'd notice if one went missing?
- Brewster: Sure, darlin'. I'm sure there's one in the back that would fit you just fine.
- Waitress: Really? Would I get a lot of use from it?
- Brewster: Oh, yeah. You'd use it a long time.
- Waitress: Nice. What is it?
- Brewster: Coffins.
- [there are vampires outside the truck]
- Cary: They might not be able to get in anyway, without being invited.
- Vogel: That didn't work in The Return of Count Yorga.
- Cary: Of course not, that was American International.
- Vogel: So?
- Cary: So each movie makes its own rules. None of it is grounded in reality.
- Vogel: I saw one get killed by a bolt of lightning in Scars of Dracula.
- Cary: Now, that is just stupid.
- Brewster: If either of you mentions Twilight, I'll throw ya out the cab!