- Senior Partner: We are all in agreement that your suicide would be beneficial to the office.
- Senior Partner: As well as the environment.
- Nick: The environment?
- Senior Partner: I keep finding water bottles in your wastebasket.
- Nick: Sometimes I get so bored I just wanna poke my eyes out with my good... pen... which someone has stolen, god damn it!
- Nick: Look, you're the only girl that I've ever been close to, and I thought that you should know that I'm committing suicide, and I'm giving you everything.
- Jamie Woodnit: Why? Don't you know that I hate you, and I really hate everything about you?
- Nick: But I'm dead. I don't have to deal with H.R. again.
- Senior Partner: Uh-uh-uh, that's where you're wrong.
- Senior Partner: Very wrong. Welcome to your permanent position.