Two and a Half Men (TV Series)
Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak (2011)
Jon Cryer: Alan Harper
Quotes
-
Alan Harper : Dave and I had the same education, the same skills. We started our practice at the same time. But, he does three times the business that I do. You know why?
Charlie Harper : He offers happy endings?
-
Alan Harper : Once the profits start rolling in, I can move out.
Charlie Harper : And once I grow boobs, I can start dancing the lunch shift at "Les Girls! Girls! Girls!".
-
Alan Harper : With targeted advertising, I could double the size of my practice.
Charlie Harper : Wow! A second patient!
-
Evelyn Harper : Why don't you just ask your brother for the money?
Alan Harper : I thought of that, but after all he's done for me, I'd feel horrible asking for a loan.
Evelyn Harper : And after all *I've* done for you?
Alan Harper : I'd still feel horrible, but you never threaten to smother me in my sleep.
-
Alan Harper : [Evelyn kisses a check before giving it to Alan] Is that for luck?
Evelyn Harper : No, just kissing it goodbye.
-
Alan Harper : How's it going?
Dr. Herb Melnick : Oh, you know. Living the dream.
Judith Melnick : [Yelling in the background] Damn it, Herb! How many times have I told you not to use the guest towels?
Dr. Herb Melnick : [Yelling back] Hey! If I'm gonna sleep in the guest room, I get to use the guest towels!
Alan Harper : Yeah, I remember that dream.
-
Judith Melnick : How dare you!
Alan Harper : Nice to see you too.
Judith Melnick : You go behind my back and talk my husband into giving you some kind of business loan?
Alan Harper : Herb told you?
Judith Melnick : Of course! We love each other!
Dr. Herb Melnick : And we love each other so much, she went through my checkbook!
-
Alan Harper : You have $5,000 in your sweatpants?
Charlie Harper : I prefer to think of it as three hookers and a Philly cheesesteak.