Mathew Buck: Film Brain

Quotes 

• Film Brain : So we begin this very subtle parody of Northern England on Shit Street. Yes... yes, we are.

• Film Brain : Gross and disgusting is not the same thing as comedy!

• Film Brain : I hate this job sometimes.

• Film Brain : Meanwhile, San and Tray's boyfriends have been shipped into Afghanistan where they bonk the local women. I'd tell them to get fucked, but they already are.

• Film Brain : Why am I looking for logic in a film where Jerry O'Connell's penis gets bitten off mid-B.J.?

• Film Brain : Hello and welcome to the April Fools edition of Bad Movie Beatdown. Unlike the other videos out today, you're not the fool, I'M the fool.

• Film Brain : Would you buy this? I would, but I'm an idiot.

• Cop : Get on the radio. I think we'd better call in Immigration.

  Film Brain : I say call the exterminators and have done with it.

• Tracey : Page? As in three?

  Film Brain : Let me try! Okay, um... Page, more like book. Ha ha ha, yeah, I hate myself now.

• Immigration Officer : Whaddya think? 'Couple Shiites?

  Film Brain : The funny part is that it sounds like 'shite', and the joke is.

• Film Brain : Its like the movie finds news ways of being repulsively unfunny.

• Film Brain : Oh God, there's so much stupid in one place. I can feel my sanity starting to crack!

  [later] 

  Film Brain : I heard the crack! THERE IT GOES!

• Film Brain : Believe me, British comedy isn't all Monty Python and Black Adder, as this skid-mark proves.

• Film Brain : We even have roach-cam at one point.

• Film Brain : It's a bloody good thing they don't hire Naomi Campbell to act.

• Film Brain : And looky here, here's another British comedian slumming it for a check. In this case, Angus Deaton. I'm trying to work out whether this was pre or post coke addiction. Either way, it explains the desperation.

• Film Brain : I don't know which is worse, the cheap fat suits or the stupid joke with the classical music, who I'm guessing is not Susan Boyle.

• Film Brain : That's it, I'm asexual.

• Film Brain : Look at him, you can see he's trying not to laugh. He's the only one who is.

• Film Brain : They even can't stop fighting when the Secretary General of the United Free World arrives to make them ambassadors for safe sex. Ha ha, irony.

• Film Brain : Because nothing solves head injury like another crack to the skull.

• Film Brain : I can see why those fiberglass phones never quite caught on.