- Hayley Smith: [to Stan] Come on, let Mom have some fun once in a while.
- Stan Smith: Why don't you ever take my side?
- Hayley Smith: Because your side is always wrong.
- Stan Smith: Your side is always wrong.
- Francine Smith: [after Kelly orders drinks] Oh, no.
- Kelly: That's right: Ultimate Kellys.
- Hayley Smith: What's... what's in it?
- Kelly: Don't worry about it. Let's just say it's why Montel Williams has M.S.
- Stan Smith: [after Stan learns he might not be Hayley's father; while hugging Francine] You big whore. I don't know why I'm holding you like this. It must be very confusing.
- Francine Smith: Stan, I know you're upset.
- Stan Smith: Upset? I'm just now finding out my daughter might not even be mine. I can't believe it. I mean, I changed her diapers, I fed her, I clothed her, I got her braces, I sent her to college. Holy shit, that guy owes me so much money.
- Francine Smith: [while she and Stan are at a nightclub back in the '90s] Oh, remember this place, Stan? Right over there I slipped on a Beanie Baby and tore my flannel shirt 'cause it was the '90s, you see.
- Roger the Alien: [while holding a net standing next to a big envelope] Elian? Is that you, baby? Come on in. You're safe here. I will not send you back to Coo-ba.