- Raj Koothrappali: I don't know if I want to play anymore.
- Sheldon Cooper: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play Dungeons & Dragons, this game's in serious trouble.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Oh, I know they have money. But I don't think it's that much.
- Sheldon Cooper: No, you're wrong. See, as you know, a few years ago I achieved one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. From time to time I noterized banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
- Penny: So how much is that?
- Sheldon Cooper: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.
- Howard Wolowitz: What the hell, the last time we went to the zoo, that son of a bitch made me buy him a churro.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Listen guys, I'm sorry. I don't want to be rude, but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. So vastly much.
- Penny: Okay, so he's got money and it's a few gifts and a car.
- Howard Wolowitz: And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.
- Penny: What? He paid off her credit cards? Damn it, I could have dated Raj for a couple months.
- Penny: [whispering] Oh, here she comes!
- Howard Wolowitz: Smart. Whisper, so the deaf chick can't hear you.
- Sheldon Cooper: Can't figure out what to do? I remember those days! If you'll excuse me, I have to...
- [stands up, rolling dice]
- Sheldon Cooper: Stay right here.
- [sits down]
- [Penny and Howard have just confronted Raj's girlfriend Emily to check if she's a golddigger]
- Raj Koothrappali: [Yelling] How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym?
- Penny: We didn't mean for it to be an ambush! It just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people!
- Penny: This girl is trouble! What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts, and she gives you sex?
- Raj Koothrappali: The best one I ever had!
- Penny: Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.
- Sheldon Cooper: Don't thank me, thank the dice. They told me what percentage of my face to shave.
- Howard Wolowitz: Why are you still doing this?
- Sheldon Cooper: Because it's working. In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions, I have co-authored two papers in notable peer review journals, and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle.
- Leonard Hofstadter: You forgot to mention got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants.
- Sheldon Cooper: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.
- Penny: [sees Howard ogling at a woman in a gym] Really, Howard? You're engaged to my friend.
- Howard Wolowitz: Hey, Bernadette doesn't need to know how I rev up my engine so long as I park the car in the right garage.
- Penny: I can't believe you're engaged to my friend.
- Raj Koothrappali: Tell her I have a deep, sexy voice, like James Earl Jones.
- Howard Wolowitz: She... she doesn't know how James Earl Jones sounds like!
- Raj Koothrappali: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.
- Howard Wolowitz: She asks if you play any instrument.
- Raj Koothrappali: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a boyband called Frankie Goes to Bollywood.
- Sheldon Cooper: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face to face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
- Howard Wolowitz: I say, "Hey, Ma! What's for dinner?"
- Sheldon Cooper: [Sheldon rolls dice] Seventeen. The ogre is amused by your joke and allows you to pass. And by the by, I liked it too.
- Raj Koothrappali: Mm, oh, cheesecake, you're just as good as a woman, even though I can't have sex with you.
- Howard Wolowitz: Try throwing it in the microwave for a few seconds.
- Raj Koothrappali: Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? That's the first thing you want to say?
- Raj Koothrappali: I worked on it all night. Use it.
- Howard Wolowitz: Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
- Raj Koothrappali: Then spell it.
- Howard Wolowitz: I don't know how to spell it.
- Raj Koothrappali: You're blowing this for me!
- Howard Wolowitz: [signs] He likes your eyes.
- Raj Koothrappali: You're making me sound like a caveman.
- Howard Wolowitz: She says, "Thank you, you have nice eyes too."
- Raj Koothrappali: Ask her how many children she wants and whatever she says, say, "Me too".
- Howard Wolowitz: No.
- Raj Koothrappali: Dude, what's she saying?
- Howard Wolowitz: It's a funny story about a puppy. Just smile and laugh.
- [Howard is not paying attention while he texts Bernadette]
- Howard Wolowitz: Quick, quick, stop smiling.
- Raj Koothrappali: What? Why?
- Howard Wolowitz: The puppy died. It choked on a doll head. Sad face! Sad face!.
- Raj Koothrappali: [to Emily] Hi.
- Howard Wolowitz: [as Emily signs] She says it's nice to meet you.
- Raj Koothrappali: Does she really mean that or did she sign that sarcastically?
- Sheldon Cooper: I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion.
- [continues to eat, without further explanation. The others looks curiously at him]
- Leonard Hofstadter: Could you tell us...?
- Sheldon Cooper: Let's see...
- [rolls dice]
- Sheldon Cooper: Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
- Penny: Hang on... Doubles. Roll again.
- Sheldon Cooper: [rolls again] Okay, get this. It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts. Because the Koothrappali's are vastly wealthy.
- Penny: What do you mean, "vastly wealthy"?
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, wealthy means a lot of money, and vastly means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up.
- Penny: [to Emily] Can we talk to you about Raj?
- Howard Wolowitz: She says: "Sure, what about him?"
- Penny: Raj is naive. He hasn't dated a whole lot of women...
- [Howard stops signing here, as he gets distracted by two beautiful women at the reception desk behind them]
- Penny: ... and I'm concerned that, without meaning to, you might be taking advantage of him, by letting him buy lots of expensive things and I...
- [realizing that Howard isn't signing anymore]
- Penny: Howard! Focus. Tell her what I'm saying.
- Howard Wolowitz: Right!
- [signing]
- Howard Wolowitz: Are you a gold digger or not?
- [Penny looks at him, disgusted by him. Emily gets infuriated, and starts to sign with rage]
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, uh... something, something... Who the something do you think you are? Mind your own something business and go something yourself!
- [Emily leaves, and Penny looks at him in shock]
- Howard Wolowitz: Oh, I get this now...
- Howard Wolowitz: Really? On Dungeons and Dragons I enter a dungeon and find a dragon? Isn't that a little on the nose?
- Sheldon Cooper: When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and ladders?