- Andy Dwyer: [reading eye chart] E, H, 4, M, potato shape, coffee mug shape, smudge, smudge, middle finger, smudge... the rest are all smudges.
- April Ludgate: Oh my god, you drove us here!
- Ron Swanson: I don't know what happened. I declined his invitation, he started laughing, and the next thing I knew, we were at lunch. Did he drug me?