Merlin (TV Series)

A Lesson in Vengeance (2012)

Zee Asha: Audrey

Quotes 

• Audrey : You! What are you doing in my kitchen?

  Merlin : [as the aged Emrys]  Nothing.

  Audrey : "Nothing" means "mischief" in my book.

  Merlin : Well, you've been reading the wrong book.

  Audrey : And "mischief" means "theft."

  Merlin : No, it doesn't.

  Audrey : And theft means my pies.

  Merlin : Your pies? Why on earth would anyone want to steal your godforsaken pies?

  Audrey : My pies are the talk of Camelot.

  Merlin : Oh. Yes, indeed they are - a crust like rusted iron, a filling like last year's horse dung, and the smell - oh, yes - just like the guard house's latrine!

  Audrey : No one insults my pies and gets away with it!

  Merlin : Oh, I'm sorry. Should I speak instead of your poisonous flans - like vomit, curdling in the noonday sun - or your dumplings? The king, himself, likened them to freshly lain frog spawn wrapped in pig snot!

  Audrey : What would you know about the king and my dumplings?

  Merlin : Oh, good grief.