The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Spoiler Alert Segmentation (2013)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know why I avoided the Harry Potter books for so long; these are great. Just started number six.

  Sheldon Cooper : That's a good one. Dumbledore dies in that one.

  [Leonard stares at him, dumbfounded] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, I know; I didn't see it coming either.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Why would you say that?

  Sheldon Cooper : You brought up the subject; I contributed an interesting fact on that subject. It's called the art of conversation. 'Kay, your turn.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That was a huge spoiler.

  [throws the book aside] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Good.

  Leonard Hofstadter : What is wrong with you? If I did that you'd bitch about it for weeks.

  Sheldon Cooper : Really, Leonard, are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Hissy fit? *I* have hissy fits?

  Sheldon Cooper : Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You are unbelievable! I don't know why I put up with you. You know, you're controlling, you're irritating...

  Sheldon Cooper : There you go again! Nag, nag, nag! You're only proving my point, little lady.

  Leonard Hofstadter : You know what? Screw you, Sheldon! You are the most annoying person I ever met.

  Sheldon Cooper : Wha- I'm annoying? You criticize my behavior all the time. "Sheldon, don't talk about your bowel movements over breakfast." "Sheldon, when the president of the university is giving a eulogy at a funeral, don't yawn and point at your watch." "Sheldon, don't throw away my shirts cause you think they're ugly." You're impossible.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's it. I don't. I don't have to put up with this.

  Sheldon Cooper : Actually, I have your signature on a roommate agreement that says you do.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Aaaw, here's what I think of your roommate agreement!

  [he throws it in the waste-paper basket] 

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon gasps]  You pick that up right now.

  Leonard Hofstadter : No.

  Sheldon Cooper : You- Roommate agreement, section twenty-seven, paragraph five: "The roommate agreement, like the American flag, cannot touch the ground."

  Leonard Hofstadter : I don't care. I don't have to do anything you say because... I don't think I want to live here any more.

  Sheldon Cooper : Where are you going?

  Leonard Hofstadter : To live with Penny, and not you, you crazy bastard.

• Sheldon Cooper : You can't live here.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What? Why? Is it the message? I only used urban slang to sound tough so people wouldn't break in.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not the message.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What is it then? I did everything just the way you like it.

  Sheldon Cooper : You did.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : THEN WHAT THE HELL SHELDON? We have been going out for over two years and I have been nothing but patient with you. I watch your dopey space movies. I signed your ridiculous contract. I even stopped wearing lip gloss because you said it made my mouth look too slippery. I am the best girlfriend you're ever going to have. Just give me one good reason why I can't live here.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's Penny's fault.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What?

  Sheldon Cooper : She doesn't want to live with Leonard so he has to live here again. She's the snake in our garden. She's the reason we can't be happy.

• Sheldon Cooper : [knock-knock-knock]  Good buddy Leonard.

  [knock-knock-knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Good buddy Leonard.

  [knock-knock-knock] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Good buddy Leonard.

• Sheldon Cooper : Hello, homewrecker.

  Penny : What did I do?

  Sheldon Cooper : You gave Leonard somewhere to go. Thanks to you, Amy's out buying "his" and "hers" bath towels. Like I'd ever dry myself with something that has a possessive pronoun on it.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : So, what's your plan moving forward?

  Sheldon Cooper : I suppose I'll have to find and cultivate a new roommate. What a task that will be. Do you know how uncivilized Leonard was when I took him in?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : No.

  Sheldon Cooper : It took me forever to get him on a bathroom schedule. He would go whenever the mood struck him.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Like a dog boy.

  Sheldon Cooper : Exactly.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : What if you could find a roommate who was a scientist and already familiar and comfortable with your ways?

  Sheldon Cooper : That would be ideal. If a person like that existed I would sign on no further questions asked.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Great! Here I am!

  Sheldon Cooper : Wait. Here who is where?

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Me. Aren't I your perfect roommate?

  Sheldon Cooper : Um.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Think about it, Sheldon. I'm not a stranger. We're intellectually compatible. I'm willing to chauffeur you around town. And your personality quirks which others find abhorrent or rave inducing I find cute as a button. What do you think?

  Sheldon Cooper : Um.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Tell me one reason that this isn't a fantastic idea.

  Sheldon Cooper : Um.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : See, you can't. I'm going to see if Leonard's room is big enough for my water bed.

  Sheldon Cooper : Um.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : You're a coward!

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, the evidence does seem to support that.