The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Cooper Extraction (2013)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Leonard Hofstadter : Hey, Sheldon sent us all an email. "Happy Holidays from Texas". And there's pictures. Arrgh, don't open them, do not open them.
Penny : Oh, come on, child birth is a natural, beautiful...
[sees picture]
Penny : urgh, it's like someone sawed a cow in half.
Raj Koothrappali : My father's a gynecologist; I think I can handle it.
[sees pictures]
Raj Koothrappali : And now I'm gay.
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Sheldon Cooper : I'm on my way out.
Leonard Hofstadter : Where?
Sheldon Cooper : Texas.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Right now? Why?
Leonard Hofstadter : Someone sick?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. My sister's uterus came down with a baby.
Penny : Oh, she's pregnant? That's great; you're going to be an uncle. Uncle Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.
Amy Farrah Fowler : How come you never said she was pregnant?
Sheldon Cooper : I never told you about my brother's kidney stone. You want to hear about everything that comes out of my family's genitals?
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Raj Koothrappali : So Star Wars and Star Trek characters can go on the same branch?
Leonard Hofstadter : I know, it's crazy. Welcome to the Thunderdome, people!
[they cheer]
Howard Wolowitz : I've never done this before. It's kind of fun.
Raj Koothrappali : If your Mom could see her little Bar mitzvah boy right now she'd have a heart attack.
Bernadette Rostenkowski : Good idea; I'll take a picture.
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Penny : [Penny's fantasy story] OK, sweetie. Let me tell exactly how that would have gone down.
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm going to do it. I'm going to ask her out.
Howard Wolowitz : I'm going squirt chocolate milk out of my nipples. Sorry. I thought we were saying things that are never going to happen.
Raj Koothrappali : Maybe this time he's going to do it.
Howard Wolowitz : Hope you're thirsty. Here it comes!
Leonard Hofstadter : Watch me.
Penny : Hey. You guys ready to order or do you need a few minutes?
Leonard Hofstadter : I... I... um.
Penny : A few minutes it is.
Raj Koothrappali : You didn't ask her out, but that was a lot of sounds.
Leonard Hofstadter : You guys are making me nervous.
Howard Wolowitz : Fine, then, go talk to her on your own.
Leonard Hofstadter : I will.
[goes over to Penny]
Leonard Hofstadter : Excuse me.
Penny : Yup.
Leonard Hofstadter : Hi, uhh, um, I'm Leonard.
Penny : Really? You don't sound so sure.
Leonard Hofstadter : No, I am he. Any-anyway, um, there's been something I've wanted to ask you for a long time. Um.
Penny : What's that?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, I was wondering if you're not too busy... um... if you'd be interested in... telling me where the restroom is?
Penny : I think you're too late.
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[last lines]
[Leonard and Raj are very fat]
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm going to do it; I'm going to ask her out.
Howard Wolowitz : And chocolate milk out is going to squirt of my nipples.
Raj Koothrappali : Put up or shut up. You make it, I'll drink it.
Penny : You guys need anything else?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, your phone number and one more cheesecake.
Penny : I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend. Look, in fact, there he is now.
[Stu enters; she goes to him]
Penny : Ready to go, sweetheart.
Stuart Bloom : Not till I get my kiss.
[She kisses him and they leave]
Stuart Bloom : [Stu. sitting alone in an empty Cheesecake Factory, sighs]
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Bernadette Rostenkowski : Now, I was thinking. Without Sheldon, most of us would have never met, but Penny would have still live across from him.
Amy Farrah Fowler : And with Leonard out of the picture, we all know what that would mean.
Penny : We do?
Penny : [Sheldon is sorting laundry and Penny enters in Amy's fantasy] Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon Cooper : Hello.
Penny : [seductively] Doing laundry?
Sheldon Cooper : Of course I'm doing laundry. Saturday night is laundry night and I'm in a laundry room, so... I believe your inference is justified.
Penny : Oh, my inference is justified. Sheldon, you are so funny, Anyway, I need to do my laundry, too, because these clothes are so dirty. Almost as dirty as the dirty girl who's wearing them.
Penny : [Listening to the story] OK, that's enough.
Leonard Hofstadter : Disagree.
Raj Koothrappali : keep going.
Penny : [Standing in her bra] So. What do you think?
Sheldon Cooper : A tad asymmetrical, but nothing to be concerned about.
Penny : Please, Sheldon, I need you.
Sheldon Cooper : To... what?
Penny : To take me.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm not taking you anywhere till you put on a shirt.
Penny : Come on, Sheldon. You and me, right here.
Sheldon Cooper : Penny, for the thousandth time. I'm saving myself for someone special. Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist with hair the color of mud.
Penny : I think I know how to change your mind.
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[first lines]
Penny : [Penny and Amy are skiing to a video game] Alright, you're really good at this.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, I have an extremely low center of gravity. Like a pyramid.
Penny : How you doing over there?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, I hope it's just a sprain. I cannot walk into that ER with another video game injury.
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Penny : I am a little strapped for cash this year, so for Christmas I was thinking of giving you
[sticks a bow on her Santa hat and runs her hands down her body]
Penny : this.
Leonard Hofstadter : I love it!
[they kiss]
Leonard Hofstadter : But it *is* what you got me last year. And last night.
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Leonard Hofstadter : You know, maybe you and I wouldn't be together, but you wouldn't have done so great yourself.
Penny : Why?
Leonard Hofstadter : Because I know exactly the kind of guy you would have ended up with.
Zack Johnson : Hey, babe.
Penny : Hey. Remember to pay the rent?
Zack Johnson : Better. I used the money to buy these magic beans.
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Penny : Can you imagine *not* being born?
Leonard Hofstadter : [imitating Sheldon's knocking ritual] What do you think?
[knocks again]
Leonard Hofstadter : What do you think?
[knocks again]
Leonard Hofstadter : WHAT DO YOU THINK?