The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Septum Deviation (2014)
Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper
Photos
Quotes
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Sheldon Cooper : It's not life-threatening. Why are you getting surgery?
Leonard Hofstadter : Because I can't breathe. I snore, I get sinus infections...
Penny : Back off. He's mine.
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Sheldon Cooper : If you get the surgery, the snoring is gone. If you die during surgery... the snoring is gone.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sounds like either way I finally get some rest.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [Playing Heads Up; the clue is Tesla] Okay, this is someone you love.
Sheldon Cooper : I got it, it's me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : No. He's an underapreciated scientist.
Sheldon Cooper : Still think it's me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : It's not you. Now think. He has a car named after him.
Sheldon Cooper : Of course there is: the Mini Cooper, because it's me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Let's try this. He's the poorman's Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, Tesla! It's Tesla.
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Leonard Hofstadter : What you get?
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I ordered this before your surgery. It's the urn I was going to put you in.
Penny : It's morbid. Send it back.
Sheldon Cooper : I can't. I had it engraved. "Here lie the ashes of Leonard Hofstadter. He thought he was right, but his roommate knew better."
Leonard Hofstadter : That's funny. Boy, I'm gonna miss these pain killers.
Penny : Why'd you get two? "I'm with stupid."
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, that one's mine.
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Leonard Hofstadter : I'm certainly not going to die by asteroid impact.
Sheldon Cooper : You know who else thought that? Every cocky T.rex currently swimming around in your car tank.
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Sheldon Cooper : What if you're allergic to latex gloves?
Leonard Hofstadter : I'm not allergic to latex.
Sheldon Cooper : Well, what about epilepsy?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't have epilepsy.
Sheldon Cooper : You don't, but the doctor might. One shaky scalpel and your carotid artery becomes a dancing fountain at Disneyland.
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Penny : [Noticing the teddy bear Sheldon has] It's nice you got that for Leonard.
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, this isn't for Leonard. Amy bought me this.
Amy Farrah Fowler : He stubbed his toe on the revolving door.
Sheldon Cooper : You know those confounded things confuse me.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Then why did you keep going around?
Sheldon Cooper : There was a large plant in the lobby. I kept mistaking it for the outside.
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Sheldon Cooper : [a tremor shakes the waiting room] What was that?
Penny : It's just a small tremor.
Sheldon Cooper : A small tremor that can turn a routine sinus surgery into a frontal lobotomy.
[Power goes out]
Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I don't care for this at all. I have to see that Leonard is all right. I'm going in there.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, you can't go in there.
Sheldon Cooper : Try and stop me.
[Runs into glass door and falls]
Amy Farrah Fowler : Are you all right?
Sheldon Cooper : Why didn't you stop me?
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Amy Farrah Fowler : [Leonard is going in for surgery] It's a routine procedure. I've heard you complain about his snoring.
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, for the first five or six years, but I've gotten used to it. It helps me sleep. He's like my own mucus powered white noise machine.
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Sheldon Cooper : You're acting odd. Why?.
Amy Farrah Fowler : I'm odd all the time. Everyone knows that. Just last night I tried to see how many fava beans I could put in my mouth.
Sheldon Cooper : Tell me the truth.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Twenty-eight.
Sheldon Cooper : Come on.
Amy Farrah Fowler : Fifty-six.
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Sheldon Cooper : I assume the clinic has already treated the burns on your bottom from your recent pants fire.
Penny : Because I'm a liar, liar?
Sheldon Cooper : That's for the fire marshall to determine.
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Amy Farrah Fowler : This is like the man in the supermarket with the goiter on his neck. Whatever you're thinking, just keep it to yourself.
Sheldon Cooper : It was like a grapefruit.
Amy Farrah Fowler : And I'm sure he knew that before you held a grapefruit up next to it.