The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Anxiety Optimization (2015)

Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : OK, we're headed out. See you later.

  Sheldon Cooper : I know. Before you leave, can you help me test these noise cancelling headphones?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, sure.

  Sheldon Cooper : [Sheldon puts on headphones]  Go ahead.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Hello, can you hear me?

  [Sheldon doesn't react] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years.

  Penny : Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the Virgin Pina Colada.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Your George Lucas autograph is really a me autograph.

  Penny : Yeah, well, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall so I used your toothbrush.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Ooh, and at one time when you were asleep Amy totally took off her-

  [Sheldon takes off headphones] 

  Leonard Hofstadter : And that's why you're the best roommate ever.

  Sheldon Cooper : Aaaaw. Now I'm sad I didn't hear it.

• Leonard Hofstadter : What is going on?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, I need to keep my anxiety at the right level, so I'm using Darth Vader, the Joker and Godzilla's roar to keep me in that sweet spot. Yeah, I tried including Taylor Swift in the mix, but turned out I love her.

  Leonard Hofstadter : At least listen to it through headphones. I'm trying to sleep. Good night.

  Sheldon Cooper : Boy! Taylor was right; haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.

• Raj Koothrappali : Where's Sheldon?

  Penny : Date night.

  Leonard Hofstadter : That can't be much fun for Amy. You know, at work today he tried his first Red Bull?

  Bernadette Rostenkowski : What happened?

  Leonard Hofstadter : He chased a squirrel around the quad for a while... and then threw up in my car.

• Raj Koothrappali : I think it's a little weird that you remember me saying all these things, Maybe the truth is you're jealous about my relationships.

  Howard Wolowitz : Uh, maybe I am. Who wouldn't want to be the girl, or possibly dog, to hear the words "You're so lucky, you have the shiniest hair."

  Leonard Hofstadter : That's a tough one, I know he brushes both of them