The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)

The Property Division Collision (2016)

Jim Parsons: Sheldon Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, I know what you did, now change the password back.

  Sheldon Cooper : Well, powder me in sugar and call me a doughnut, if it isn't Leonard Hofstadter.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, I'm warning you, I can play this game, too.

  Sheldon Cooper : If it's like your 3-D chess game, then you're out of your length, width and depth. Amy, get the Neosporin, someone just got burned!

  Leonard Hofstadter : All right, I tried.

  Sheldon Cooper : "All right, I tried." That should be the title of your autobiography. Ooh, a second degree burn.

  [Closes door on Leonard; Amy enters] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I've got the Neosporin. Who got hurt?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's a good thing you're cute.

• Amy Farrah Fowler : Sheldon, you're, you're being a little selfish. Why don't you let Leonard keep a few things?

  Sheldon Cooper : It's not my fault I'm bad at sharing; I skipped kindergarten.

• Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, I would like us to stop fighting about our possessions.

  Leonard Hofstadter : I'd like that too.

  Sheldon Cooper : In fact, I want you to keep the apartment flag. And I'm not just saying that because it touched your genitals.

  Leonard Hofstadter : Promise?

  Sheldon Cooper : I do. And to show you that there are no hard feelings, I am willing to rub my genitals on it as well.

  Theodore : Well, if we're rubbing genitals on things, that's where I shine.

• [first lines] 

  Amy Farrah Fowler : If we're going to be staying in this apartment, would you be interested in doing a little redecorating?

  Sheldon Cooper : Oh, actually... I would.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Great! Wh-what did you have in mind?

  Sheldon Cooper : Let's take every single thing from the other apartment and put it in here.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, how 'bout we start a little smaller, like... moving the furniture around.

  Sheldon Cooper : Y'know, I have always felt that this couch would look *fantastic* on the curb in front of the building.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Look, we can't just throw away Penny's stuff, but we can ask if she wants any of it back.

  Sheldon Cooper : Know, I wonder how she feels about all this artwork.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Well, I'm sure she misses this one. I mean it's the greatest gift I've ever given anybody.

  [they look at the large painting of Amy and Penny] 

  Sheldon Cooper : It truly does capture the beauty of your friendship with Penny.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : It may have appreciated in value. The artist killed himself shortly after painting that.

  Sheldon Cooper : Yeah, it seems only right that she have it back.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : Can't wait to see the look on her face when I give it to her again.

  [Penny looks horrified as they bring the painting to the other apartment] 

  Sheldon Cooper : Look, it's the same smile she has in the painting!

• Sheldon Cooper : [Finds Leonard wearing the apartment flag while doing the laundry]  What do you think you're doing?

  Leonard Hofstadter : Separating my delicates.

  Sheldon Cooper : This is the level you're stooping to?

  Leonard Hofstadter : [Takes off underwear]  No, this is the level I am stooping to. I believe that is flag to crotch four. Checkmate! Easy-peasy, ooh, so breezy!

• Sheldon Cooper : Come, Amy. I know when I'm not wanted.

  Amy Farrah Fowler : I don't think you do, but all right.

• Leonard Hofstadter : What do you think you're doing?

  Sheldon Cooper : Since my room is paid up until the end of the month, I can do with it whatever I please, which includes renting it out for a dollar a night.

  Theodore : It' s like the forties again.

  Sheldon Cooper : Anyway, I'll let you be. Oh, he's expecting a newspaper in the morning. Apparently, they're still making them.

  Penny Hofstadter : Sheldon, this is way over the line.

  Sheldon Cooper : It's true, but had I done something under the line, there wouldn't be a man in your kitchen who can't produce a single form of ID.

  Theodore : Oh, I have a receipt from the blood bank. I'm O-negative.

  Sheldon Cooper : And now you know as much about him as I do.