- Barry Goldberg: What a rip! Chuck Norris wasn't even there, just some lady named Maya Angelou, and she didn't know anything about karate.
- Barry Goldberg: I have the keys to the store. I don't even have the keys to the house. I have to sit in the tree and wait for someone to come home.
- Barry Goldberg: A job? How would I be able to spend time after school at the mall if I have a job after school at the mall?
- Murray Goldberg: All my children have jobs! This is my dream. I close my eyes and this is what I see.
- Adam Goldberg: It's a sad dream, but you've a sad life, so I get it.
- Narrator: [about getting a job at the arcade] If I could pass the impossible interview.
- Andy Cesunda: How many quarters are in a dollar?
- Adam Goldberg: Four.
- Andy Cesunda: [Hands Adam the change belt] I'll be in the back taking a nap.
- Narrator: My arcade job was a bust, but I had the perfect way to get the money back.
- Adam Goldberg: Yo, Ponytail! Give me my damn money!
- Johnny Atkins: No.
- Adam Goldberg: Okay, that didn't work. Please do the right thing and give me back my money.
- Johnny Atkins: l've considered your offer, and I have a counter offer: eat my butt.
- Adam Goldberg: So you'll do it?
- Johnny Atkins: Sure, but I have two questions for you: Can I play my sax, and how loud can I play my sax?