- Raj Koothrappali: Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, so many things: her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
- Raj Koothrappali: Really!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Relax. We're the same blood type; he know he could harvest an organ.
- Raj Koothrappali: I feel bad for Bert.
- Sheldon Cooper: So he's using his money to attract a mate. Is that any different than me using my intelligence to attract Amy, or Leonard using his power of grovelling to get Penny?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Totally different. Bert's money might run out, but I can beg until the end of time.
- Penny Hofstadter: All that, *and* he's shorter than me.
- [first lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: All right, we're about to go live. Everyone on their A game.
- [claps]
- Sheldon Cooper: Good energy...
- [flatly, to camera]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello. I'm Dr, Sheldon Cooper.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah-Fowler.
- Sheldon Cooper: And welcome to a special retrospective, where we will take a look back at the history of Fun with Flags on an episode we're calling
- Sheldon Cooper, Amy Farrah Fowler: Fun with Flags: Behind the Flags, a Retrospective.
- Howard Wolowitz: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
- Stuart Bloom: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.
- Howard Wolowitz: What are you doing here?
- Stuart Bloom: Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
- Bert Kibbler: She'd better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat screen.
- Sheldon Cooper: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months. The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night. And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: What if she likes the people who work there more than us?
- Howard Wolowitz: She already likes soap bubbles more than us.
- Sheldon Cooper: [a joke only physicists get] Feynman, Einstein and Schrödinger walk into a bar. Feynman says, "It appears we're inside a joke." Einstein replies, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously." To which Schrödinger says, "If someone is looking in the window, I'm leaving."
- Sheldon Cooper: [a joke only physicists get] Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, "Did you know you were going 85 miles per hour?" And Heisenberg says, "Darn it, now I don't know where I am."
- Penny Hofstadter: Bert, you're a good guy. You deserve a woman who is interested in more than just your money.
- Bert Kibbler: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one doing that is me.
- Sheldon Cooper: Bert, Rebecca, I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier.
- Rebecca: Don't worry about it. It's fine.
- Sheldon Cooper: See, it was fine. I didn't need a time out.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: It wasn't a time out. Let's get some food.
- Sheldon Cooper: You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did...
- Amy Farrah Fowler: [Nudges Sheldon] I said get your food!
- [last lines]
- Sheldon Cooper: Hello. I'm Dr, Sheldon Cooper.
- Amy Farrah Fowler: And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah-Fowler.
- Sheldon Cooper: Based on the glowing reception of our recent Behind the Flags Retrospective we thought you might like to see how it all came together
- Amy Farrah Fowler: So welcome to tonight's episode:
- Sheldon Cooper, Amy Farrah Fowler: Fun with Flags: Behind the Behind the Flags, a Retrospective Retrospective.
- Sheldon Cooper: Oh, we already have our first call!
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Oh. Hello, you're on Fun with Flags.
- Bert Kibbler: The jet-ski worked. I got her back.
- Howard Wolowitz: What are you making?
- Stuart Bloom: Chicken. Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.
- Sheldon Cooper: [after Bert introduces Rebecca] She's younger and far more attractive than he is.
- [to Leonard and Penny]
- Sheldon Cooper: They're copying you two.
- Leonard Hofstadter: Don't you have a friend you can set him up with?
- Penny Hofstadter: Hey, I already set up Howard and Bernadette. It's your turn to ruin some poor girl's life.
- Rebecca: Where's your bathroom?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Just down there.
- [Rebecca leaves]
- Bert Kibbler: She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real. And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.
- Penny Hofstadter: Aww, that's so weird.
- Raj Koothrappali: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.
- Rebecca: I can give you some free sessions.
- Penny Hofstadter: Oh, is that offer for everybody?
- Leonard Hofstadter: Nice try. I'm not going.
- Bernadette Rostenkowski: It would be nice to raise Halley to be a little more independent than you were.
- Howard Wolowitz: I guess. It wasn't until college that I learned you can put a thermometer in your mouth.
- Raj Koothrappali: I feel bad for Bert.
- Sheldon Cooper: Well, so he's using his money to attract a mate. Is that any different than me using my intelligence to attract Amy? Or Leonard using his power of groveling to get Penny?
- Leonard Hofstadter: It's totally different. Bert's money might run out, but I can beg until the end of time.
- Penny Hofstadter: All that and he's shorter than me.
- Raj Koothrappali: Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
- Sheldon Cooper: So many things. Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
- Raj Koothrappali: Really?
- Amy Farrah Fowler: Relax, we're the same blood type. He knew he could harvest an organ.
- Penny Hofstadter: So Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
- Bert Kibbler: Right. I wasn't getting any responses and then I added recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner. Five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
- Raj Koothrappali: I haven't had much success meeting people online.
- Bert Kibbler: I didn't either until I revamped my profile.
- Sheldon Cooper: What did you do, delete your photo?