The Big Bang Theory (TV Series)
The Sibling Realignment (2018)
Johnny Galecki: Leonard Hofstadter
Photos
Quotes
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Leonard Hofstadter : We're looking for a Georgie Cooper.
Margaret : One second. I'll check to see if the doctor's in.
Sheldon Cooper : He is not a doctor. There's only one doctor here and it's me.
Leonard Hofstadter : [insulted] I'm also a doctor.
Sheldon Cooper : You want to wait in the car?
Leonard Hofstadter : I wanted to wait in California.
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Sheldon Cooper : This is all Georgie's fault. My whole childhood, he was mean to me.
Leonard Hofstadter : Sorry. I know what it's like to live with a bully.
Sheldon Cooper : Your brother bullied you?
Leonard Hofstadter : Oh, I was talking about Penny, but sure, yeah.
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George Cooper Jr. : After all my sacrifices, guess which kid my mom is the most proud of.
Leonard Hofstadter : If it makes you feel any better, my mom's most proud of Sheldon, too.
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George Cooper Jr. : You're my baby brother, Sheldon. I know life has been hard for you, but that doesn't mean it's been easy for the rest of us.
Sheldon Cooper : I suppose I didn't think about how it was for everyone else.
George Cooper Jr. : No, that's all right. I know you didn't.
Sheldon Cooper : I'm sorry.
George Cooper Jr. : Thank you.
Sheldon Cooper : And it would mean a lot to me to have my big brother at my wedding.
George Cooper Jr. : I wouldn't miss it.
Leonard Hofstadter : [choking up] Is it me, or did we just patch a tire?
Sheldon Cooper : He said "never patch." Do you even listen?
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Raj Koothrappali : Hey, why didn't you invite him in the first place?
Sheldon Cooper : You don't know what it was like growing up with him.
Raj Koothrappali : I get it; I grew up with lots of brothers. My brother Adoot was especially mean.
Leonard Hofstadter : Really? I've never heard you mention Adoot.
Raj Koothrappali : Yeah, sure I have. He's the one who left the door open when were kids, and my pet mongoose ran away. Stupid Adoot!
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Leonard Hofstadter : So, wait, y-your brother is Dr. Tire?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes, and apparently, it only takes half a semester of community college to get that particular doctorate.
Leonard Hofstadter : We passed three of these stores on the way here. Why did you say he's just some loser who sells tires?
Sheldon Cooper : You're right, that was unfair. He's a loser who sells more tires than anyone in Texas.
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Leonard Hofstadter : [seeing a cardboard cutout] So, is this Georgie?
Sheldon Cooper : Yes. And what is he even using that stethoscope to listen to?
Leonard Hofstadter : I don't know. Small leak?
Sheldon Cooper : All right, that makes sense.
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George Cooper Jr. : Hold up. I-I'm confused. You didn't want me at your wedding, but now that mom won't come, you want me there.
Sheldon Cooper : I know you don't hear this a lot, but that is exactly right. Good job.
Leonard Hofstadter : Not helping, Sheldon.
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Raj Koothrappali : So am I gonna be, like, the only single guy at Sheldon's wedding?
Leonard Hofstadter : No. There-there'll be a lot of single people there. Stuart, Amy's great-aunt; although, Stuart's already friended her on Facebook, so, better move quick.
Raj Koothrappali : I got to find a date. I don't want to be that sad single friend that everyone looks at with pity.
Leonard Hofstadter : Uh, I'm-I'm afraid that ship may have sailed.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Look, short of getting on a plane and flying there, what does your mother expect you to do?
[cut to him and Sheldon in an airplane cabin]
Leonard Hofstadter : I kept saying "no." H-h-how am I here?
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George Cooper Jr. : I see you haven't changed one bit.
Sheldon Cooper : Thank you. That is a nice thing to say.
Leonard Hofstadter : [offering a handshake] Hey, I'm Leonard. I'm here for-for no reason.
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George Cooper Jr. : What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon Cooper : Why aren't you returning my phone calls?
George Cooper Jr. : You're supposed to be the smart one. You figure it out.
Leonard Hofstadter : He's not that kind of smart. You might want to give him a hint.
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Sheldon Cooper : No, mother. That's not fair. But he told... yes, ma'am. But I said... yes, ma'am. Goodbye.
Leonard Hofstadter : What'd she say?
Sheldon Cooper : She's not getting in the middle of it because we boys "need to work it out ourselves." Oh, maybe it's fine if she doesn't come to the wedding. I've got Amy now, and she can do everything a mom can do and more.
Leonard Hofstadter : Say that to her on the wedding night. Really spice things up.
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Sheldon Cooper : Once, when I was eight, I was going to dress as my favorite scientist for Halloween, and Georgie threw my costume away. I had to wear a sheet and go as a ghost. Scared myself all night long.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, look, we don't fly out until the morning. Why don't I try and talk to him, give it one more shot?
Sheldon Cooper : All right. But if he says "Nerd says what?", don't answer him.
Leonard Hofstadter : What?
Sheldon Cooper : You are a lamb to the slaughter.
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George Cooper Jr. : If you are here about Sheldon's wedding, don't bother.
Leonard Hofstadter : Come on. I-I know you two have your differences.
George Cooper Jr. : You mean pretty much everything about us?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, not everything. You're both tall, you have the same last name. Maybe I shouldn't have started this like it was a list.
George Cooper Jr. : You have no idea what you are talking about.
Leonard Hofstadter : Ooh, there. That-that was very Sheldon.
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George Cooper Jr. : Look, I mean, I always looked out for him at school. I drove him everywhere. I apologized to people when he was rude.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah. I've done all that. I've also removed all the red balloons from his Lucky Charms because they weren't "Irish enough."
George Cooper Jr. : All right. So you know what I'm talking about. And has he ever thanked you?
Leonard Hofstadter : Not in so many words, or any words.
George Cooper Jr. : Would it kill him to actually say it?
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George Cooper Jr. : Leonard, you know how I got the money to open up my first store? I busted my ass for it, 'cause all the extra money that we had had to go to Sheldon so he could go to college and he could go study in Germany. And do you know what he's never said to me?
Leonard Hofstadter : Danke schon?
[seeing George's confusion]
Leonard Hofstadter : It's, uh, "thank you" in German.
George Cooper Jr. : Do you need me to sit on your head?
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George Cooper Jr. : Leonard, you want a beer?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, I would love a beer.
George Cooper Jr. : [handing him a bottle] There you go.
Leonard Hofstadter : Thanks. Can you open it for me?
George Cooper Jr. : No, it's a twist-off.
Leonard Hofstadter : I know.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Sheldon, you need to apologize to your brother.
Sheldon Cooper : [condescending] I'm sorry?
Leonard Hofstadter : [pointing at George] Yes. Like that, but nicer, and that way.
Sheldon Cooper : I have nothing to apologize for.
George Cooper Jr. : I told you this was a bad idea. Sometimes you can't patch a tire. You just got to buy a new one. Actually, that's always the case. Never patch; buy new.
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Sheldon Cooper : While I appreciate your folksy tire wisdom, I don't appreciate what you're putting mom through.
George Cooper Jr. : What would know about what mom's been through? You were never home.
Leonard Hofstadter : Yeah, this is good. Get it all out.
Sheldon Cooper : Not now!
George Cooper Jr. : Shut up!
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Amy Farrah Fowler : Hey, I-I was thinking, now that you and your brother made up, there's no reason to rush home. Maybe you and Leonard could... could stay for, uh...
[surreptitiously checking her medication instructions]
Amy Farrah Fowler : ...two to three more fun-filled days there.
Sheldon Cooper : That's a great idea! Hey, Leonard, good news. We do have time to visit the Museum of the American Railroad!
Leonard Hofstadter : [coming out of the bathroom] I'd say no, but what's the point?
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Sheldon Cooper : Leonard, you have a brother, right?
Leonard Hofstadter : Yes.
Sheldon Cooper : Is he the worst? Is he an unspeakable abomination? Does the very thought of him make your skin crawl?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, he laughs at his own jokes, but otherwise, he's okay.
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Sheldon Cooper : [to George] It is fitting that you got into tires, because you are tiresome.
Leonard Hofstadter : [standing to leave] Sheldon, come on.
Sheldon Cooper : Was that too mean?
Leonard Hofstadter : No, not too mean. Not too good, either.
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George Cooper Jr. : [on the phone with a customer] Listen, I hear you. I know they're pricey, but these are the Dallas Cowboys of tires, okay? And we're talking the Troy Aikman Cowboys, not that pretty boy Tony Romo. All right! Good call. You won't regret it.
[hanging up]
George Cooper Jr. : Boom!
Leonard Hofstadter : Wow. That was impressive.
George Cooper Jr. : Yeah, well, it's easy when you love your product, and hate Tony Romo.
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Leonard Hofstadter : Look, I-I'm sure he was not the easiest brother to have, but it wasn't easy for him, either with you picking on him all the time.
George Cooper Jr. : [with a derisive laugh] Picking on him? Is that what he told you?
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, what about the time you threw away his Halloween costume?
George Cooper Jr. : Well, yeah, 'cause he was gonna dress as some girl scientist.
Leonard Hofstadter : Madam Curie?
George Cooper Jr. : Oh, I didn't know she was a madam. Come on. He was still gonna get beat up for wearing that dress.
Leonard Hofstadter : Well, didn't you sit on his head while he tried to watch "Star Trek"?
George Cooper Jr. : Well, yeah, but that was hilarious.
Leonard Hofstadter : That is pretty hilarious, yeah.