Mom (TV Series)

A Few Thongs and a Hawaiian Funeral (2017)

Allison Janney: Bonnie Plunkett

Quotes 

• Bonnie : [to Jill]  I'll take a few thongs if you're paying!

  Enid : She's too old for thongs.

  Christy : We're just glad that she's *wearing* underwear these days.

• Adam : After three days with my ex-wife, I am SO glad that you're my girlfriend.

  Bonnie : Now *that's* the real gift.

• Dr. Sellers : So, what's *not* the problem now?

  Bonnie : Well he seems to be breathing funny.

  Dr. Sellers : He's 16, it's a wonder he's breathing at all.

• Bonnie : Come on, Samson, don't you want your blood pressure regulated?

  Christy : [speaking for Samson in a deep gruff voice]  Well, in a perfect world I'd rather be licking my balls!

  Bonnie : I don't find that amusing.

  Christy : That's because you're dead inside.

• Bonnie : Are you kidding me? You spit it out again?

  Christy : [speaking as Samson]  Sorry, I'm just trying to take your mind off your boyfriend banging his ex-wife in Hawaii.

• Bonnie : So he's not going to die?

  Dr. Sellers : Well we're all gonna die eventually.

  Bonnie : But before Sunday at 8 PM?

  Dr. Sellers : You should be safe.

• Bonnie : I hid the pill in peanut butter, cheese, hamburger, he just spits it out every time. He's like a street magician.

  Christy : You gave him my hamburger?

  Bonnie : Right now I'd give him $100 if he'd just swallow the pill.

• Bonnie : [holds up skimpy red teddy]  This makes me long for the years of cocaine.

  Christy : Yeah I remember you wearing one of those to my 2nd grade spelling bee. Pretty sure I was the only 8 year old who could spell 'inappropriate'.

• Jill Kendall : Emily, do you want to try on this bra?

  Emily : Please stop saying bra.

  Jill Kendall : Would brassiere be better?

  Christy : Brassiere: B-R-A-S-S-I-E-R-E, brassiere.

  [grins] 

  Bonnie : Actually I think there's a Z in there, but good try anyway.

• Christy : [on the phone]  No Natasha, that's a bad idea. Yeah, okay, bye.

  [hangs up] 

  Wendy : What'd she want to do?

  Christy : Host a casino night at the rehab center to steal everyone's disability checks.

  Bonnie : I tried that once, it's a bitch cashing them.

  Marjorie : Hey, at least she thought about it and called you before she just went and did it.