Kiki-7 Reviews

Eight Days a Week (I) (1997)

Excruciating!

[1/10 · 10 August 2000]

This movie tried to be three different films in one, all of them terrible. At least it succeeded in being terrible. Painful to watch, completely unrealistic and incredibly asinine. Forget the fact that the plot is totally ridiculous, the characters have nothing interesting, original or creative about them and the humor is sophomoric at best, why should the audience care about a character who is so stupid, he'd waste an entire summer (three months!!!!!!!) sleeping in someone's yard to gain the attention of a girl as vapid as Keri Russell (who brings absolutely nothing to her role.)

Unfortunately, Keri Russell seems to have made a number of rancid films before torturing us all in Felicity, and like dead bodies, one by one, they're beginning to surface.

And I'm not sure how old the writer/director is, but teenagers in this day and age don't make pop-culture references such as Barbara Feldon in Get Smart, Julie Newmar in Batman (unless they're budding drag queens) and quibble over 60s & 70s Bond Films and which Beatle they'd rather be.

Eight Days a Week (I) (1997)

Excruciating!

[1/10 · 10 August 2000]

This movie tried to be three different films in one, all of them terrible. At least it succeeded in being terrible. Painful to watch, completely unrealistic and incredibly asinine. Forget the fact that the plot is totally ridiculous, the characters have nothing interesting, original or creative about them and the humor is sophomoric at best, why should the audience care about a character who is so stupid, he'd waste an entire summer (three months!!!!!!!) sleeping in someone's yard to gain the attention of a girl as vapid as Keri Russell (who brings absolutely nothing to her role.)

Unfortunately, Keri Russell seems to have made a number of rancid films before torturing us all in Felicity, and like dead bodies, one by one, they're beginning to surface.

And I'm not sure how old the writer/director is, but teenagers in this day and age don't make pop-culture references such as Barbara Feldon in Get Smart, Julie Newmar in Batman (unless they're budding drag queens) and quibble over 60s & 70s Bond Films.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

The Votes are in: WORST FILM OF THE DECADE

[8 December 1999]

Well, at least my vote is in, and from what I have read here, the votes of many others. This film is worthless, with not one redeeming feature about it. To say that I merely hated this film would not be anywhere near enough to express my anger, shock and disbelief of how so many critics could be duped into thinking this film had any merit at all, let alone one of the scariest films of all time (as Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, gushed in one of his many, wide of the mark reviews. This guy probably thinks Denise Richards is the future of cinema.)

Meanwhile, I have not personally encountered one human being who actually liked this movie. Where are they? I see comments written favorably on here, but I wouldn't put it past Artisan to have made them up. In reality, I don't think anyone really DID like this movie. It's one big hoax, just like the movie itself. I hope all the reviewers that were paid off are having a Merry Christmas with their extra cash. As for the rest of us, here are some telltale signs for the New Millennium of what a "groundbreaking" film need include:

• The absence of any talented actors, especially in the way of improvisation. Can't think of a line? No problem. Scream a string of curse words and get your voice to such a high pitch that hunting dogs and St. Bernards everywhere will be able to track you from 50 miles away.

• Give your characters not a smidgen of intelligence. Have them go out into the woods completely unprepared, with not enough survival supplies, but enough film and Hi-8 tapes and batteries to last for 4 days. Also, have them lose a map and bicker about it for the rest of the trip without once stopping to realize, "Hey, we filmed the map at the beginning of the trip in close up. (Along with practically every other step we took) Why don't we rewind the tape and see if we can figure out where we are by looking at it through the viewfinder." Naaaah, that would maybe makes sense, plus it would waste precious battery power.

• Put the audience to sleep and try to convince them that while they were snoring, they missed all the scary parts. This can be the only explanation. I saw it twice (once in the theater, once on video under threat of death) and went through every frame of that movie looking for something scary. Damn, biting off a hangnail is more frightening. Then try to suggest to the audience that it isn't what you see, it's what you DON'T see, that's scary. In other words, maybe I should have saved my 9 bucks and imagined a scarier movie than what I saw? Well, sorry, that's why I go to the movies, so I don't have to actually invent one, myself. And if you want to suggest what's out there through the soundtrack, maybe you want to turn it up so people can actually hear what's going on. To me, it sounded like someone breaking celery stalks into a microphone and a bunch of drunk frat boys going "oooohh. Booooo." (Or maybe that was the audience.)

• Lastly, tell anyone who dare denounce the film that it is they themselves who have no vision or imagination.

Hit and Runway (1999)

Made me long for the Halcyon days of "Partners".

[1/10 · 27 October 1999]

Just what we needed. As if "Kiss Me Guido" wasn't the definitive coffin closer on gay/straight relationship comedies, along comes "Hit and Runway". I have two positive comments. (1)The guy who played Alex was very good and (2) At least there weren't any drag queens (at least I don't think there were, I finally had to wake my companion up and insist we leave about an hour and 20 minutes into it).

The gay character was such a witless moron and so annoyingly written, I wanted to scream. I felt like through all of it, he was auditioning for a gig in the Catskills. Everything kept grinding to a halt for him to perform some standup comedy joke. I thought I was watching an episode of "The Nanny". The whole business with him and the little twink was such nonsense, offensive to gays and jews. But, apparently all that is okay because the co-writer is gay and jewish. ".

I hope this never finds a distributor, but some company will probably pick it up, release it and bomb terribly with it.

The Weekend (1999)

Best of the Fest!

[10/10 · 25 October 1999]

Saw this film at the Hamptons Film Festival recently and it was the best of the lot. This had potential for being lumped in with the endless number of films with similar set-ups (Family and friends gather for a weekend together, tensions erupt, secrets come out, etc...) However, being beautifully shot, written, directed and acted, it makes leaps ahead of the pack. The characters were very compelling and touching, with Gena Rowlands effortlessly playing the grande dame to the hilt. The rest of the cast was, in varying degrees, hovering around that caliber, with excellent work from Brooke Shields, as Rowlands' spoiled daughter. Fantastic chemistry between the cast, which is a testament to the director's abilities.

No idea when or if it has a release scheduled, but I recommend seeking it out. Look forward to the next!

Twin Falls Idaho (1999)

Best film of the year!

[10/10 · 20 August 1999]

What a stunning piece of work this film was. I have seen it twice and it affected me even more the second time. Beautifully shot, beautifully acted by the Polish brothers and incredibly heartfelt and different. Someone earlier commented that this is a film without attitude. I completely agree and it's about time. About time something from Sundance didn't wear it's pedigree (undeserved, in most cases) on it's sleeve. I saw "Three Seasons" at a festival earlier this year and as I was watching it, I was forgetting it. I can't tell you how many "Sundance darlings" I have experienced that with. ("Next Stop, Wonderland", anyone?)

It kills me that this film is not being given a larger push in the market. Maybe Artisan should have picked it up and created a legend of the conjoined twins who disappeared one weekend in a seedy motel. God knows some of the undeserved Blair Witch Box office should be going elsewhere. Why not this film?

Trick (1999)

One more for the stereotypes

[1/10 · 28 June 1999]

Just plain awful. Saw it at a recent gay festival and, sure, it's an audience crowd pleaser, but most gay audiences are like lemmings when it comes to this kind of film. Cardboard cutouts for characters, stereotypes, jokes that have been made a hundred times before, and (surprise, surprise) a drag queen thrown in for good measure. I mean, what's a gay flick without a drag queen clouding up the area. Critics (most of whom have their heads shoved up their asses when it comes to this kind of thing- hence the good reviews Billy's Hollywood Screen Kiss and Kiss Me Guido got) say this is a breakthrough gay film, in that it doesn't rely on issues. Well, that's just fine, except it relies on good old fashioned stereotypes.

I watched this film and didn't see one real person. We have the musical theatre writer, the go go boy, the queened out to the hilt cabaret singer who sounds less butch than wayland flowers, the fag hag secretly in love with her gay best friend and let's not forget that drag queen, who makes one of the most forced, inexplicable appearances in a film I have ever seen. (Plus, I have never seen a drag queen who does Anne Meara before, but I can give his performance no other explanation.)Where are the real people?

Story wise, we are supposed to buy that these two guys who are looking for a place to have sex are going to fall in love with each other in one night when in real life, they wouldn't have a thing in common. Pitoc plays the go go boy as a tweaked out numbskull and Campbell is so full of nervous tics that you would abandon him after 15 minutes, no matter how cute he is. And after repeated shots of Pitoc looking bored and annoyed with the whole mess (just like some of the audience) he then turns around and tells us he thought this evening was supposed to be something more than casual sex???? There's no character development, no progression. We're meant to take enormous leaps of faith because the filmmaker tells us to, without giving us one reason why we should care about these people or want to spend time with them.

It's a real shame that the wool has once again been pulled over critic's eyes. This kind of film would never fly if it were a straight love story. Why should gay audiences be willing to settle for such poor quality?