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Reviews
Future War (1997)
the greatest film ever made
This is by far the greatest achievement in cinematic history. Future war tells the poignant and beautiful story of a young man from the future none only as "the runaway" played by Jean claude van damme look alike Daniel Bernhardt who befriends a prostitute turned nun. This a heartbreaking tale which raises questions like "is this what the future will be like" "who would name there kid Kazja" "is this earth really heaven" and "I"m hungry." The antagonist is the evil cyborg master. Who is played by Robert Z'Dar (maniac cop, maniac cop 2, maniac cop 3) with an oscar calibre performance. They must battle for the fate of the world while dinosaurs devour their friends. As the DRIVE away from trouble the story intensifies. It ends with a tearjerking close that will leave you speechless. You can have your Gone with the wind or Titanic but this is pure and amazing cinema. Discard all other comments on this film. They just don't understand this film so they dismiss it as c**p. The true point of this film was to uhhh... uhh... uhh... well uhhh... hmmm..... well....
The Usual Suspects (1995)
Who is Keyser Soze
WARNING SLIGHT SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!! There are some films that are so creative and stunning that you can't sleep thinking about them The Usual Suspects makes those films look like Wild Wild West. This is simply the best film ever. There is not a single flaw in it. The script is amazing. Every time I ever talk about the coffee dropping I get goosbumps . Kevin Spacey is unbelievable as Verbal. Gabrial Byrne is great and everyone else does a great job. This is the most original (with the exception of being john malkovich) and surprizing (with the exception of fight club) movie every made. Brian Singer has created a masterpiece.
WHO IS KYSER SOZE?????????-
Scary Movie (2000)
pretty funny
WARNING SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went to see "Scary Movie" with very high expectations, and overall, I was not disappointed. Now I am a fourteen year old boy, and i think that this movie was aimed for teens around my age. But this movie, for the majority, is hillarious. It pokes fun at horror movie cliche's and the modern horror movie's in general. Marlen wayens was a little to over the top, even for his part. But the only dissapointment about this movie was the raunchyness. The many many sexual organ jokes wern't that funny. If they had stuck to more parody humor it would have been alot funnier. I found myself cracking up with lines like " Oh My god we hit a boot" then seeing a large male organ go through a guys head. It just wasn't funny. The other thing that bothered me was the usual suspect parody. That was my favorite part of the movie because the usual suspects is my favorite movie. But i saw this movie with 8 other people my age and none of them got it. Over all i enjoyed it though
The Simpsons (1989)
was funny but now...
The Simpsons prime was from about the 3rd to 7th season. Writer Matt Groaning used actual humor (which was hilarious) instead of cheap slapstick. There was real comedy and all the episodes did not end in some bizzare, unreal situation with a celebrity guest such as the little kid from the Munsters. I find myself constently watching the reruns on UPN, turn to my dad and say "Remember when the Simpsons was funny?" I can only find Matt Groaning's humor in his latest work Futurama which is probably the funniest show on t.v. but I fear it will have a similliar fate to the Critic. I only watch the Simpsons now for two reasons firstly, so that I can say I've seen every episode, and secondly just in a hope that it will be funny, which it never is. So if you want to see good Simpsons watch the reruns, there hilarious.
Girl in Gold Boots (1968)
pure and utter garbage
if you want to see a pointless, plotless piece of cinematic junk which features 2 hours of horrible dance numbers, pathetic attempts at moral subplots, and strange men who give the leads dune buggies, then by all means go rent "The Girl in The Gold Boots". If you are any normal person then I would suggest you get as far away from this "film" as fast as possible. And by the way, the guy who magicly appears in the restaurant is the alltime low point in cinematic history.
Eegah (1962)
ahhhhhhhh
If you want to see a bad movie see Mitchell, if you want to see a repulsive, incomprehensible, piece of screen making doody, see Eeagah! Arch Hall Jr. is, as one of the bots from mst3k puts it, a cabbagepatch Elvis. When he is singing to his girlfriend just the two of them he has backup singing from nowhere. It is about a young girl who meets a modern caveman who kidnaps her. Her boyfriend searches for her, whining and singing. And make sure to watch out for snakes!
The Wild World of Batwoman (1966)
END!!!!!
Tom Servo's final comment on this movie. This movie bad. This movie VERY bad! There isn't one shred of plot to be found. There's dancing, some good guys, some bad guys, and something very bad that can't really be called acting. This movie hurt me and I think it hurt others as well.
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998)
lame, predictable, and worst than the first!
I Still Know was the worst movie I've seen in a long time. It was filled with bad one liners and people going where they should't. It was so predictable the sceaming from the people who thought it was scary was the only thing that kept me awake. The charactors were laughably predictable and the script sounds like Scream, Friday the 13th, and all those others jumbled together and tossed in the recycleables. And anyone knows the capital of Brazil is NOT Rio! Worst then the predictable murder scenes was a sub-plot about a guy using voodoo to protect them ? It's the kind of movie that will either shock or bore you to death!(most likely bore). I guess you could say it's the kind of movie that would work well as a date movie (ya know, to have your date jump into your arms as the killer pops out.) The only good thing about I Still Know... was the free smoothie I got afterwords.
Riding with Death (1976)
What is going on in this movie?
Okay, I've watched the mst3k version on this movie several times in a desperate attempt to figure out what's going on in it. As far as I can tell, the movie first has 2 plots which both end somewhere in the middle of the movie. After that they fill in the rest of the time with some racing thing or something. As Peral Foerrster puts it, this movie "Sucks on toast."