Joern Reviews

30 Years to Life (1998 TV Movie)

This one is better than your average MOW

[7/10 · 12 February 2003]

OK, it's a TV movie and that means it was shot on a short schedule (probably less than a month) for a low budget. As a rule that combination results in a film that is something less than memorable. Not so in this case.

"30 Years to Life" is a pretty darned good film that can't be faulted in any way whatsoever. Acting, directing, cutting, writing, story, photography, sound, whatever... all the elements are there. I caught it on the late show and I'll be darned if I don't look for it again. Why? Because I love happy endings.

Zoolander (2001)

The first time I saw it I chuckled a bit. The second time I out and out laughed.

[7/10 · 29 January 2003]

Zoolander satisfies all the requirements of a complete story: A beginning, a middle, and a satisfying end... all presented in the regulation three-act format to which we have all become accustomed. Heck, there's even a good back-story, and that's more than can be said for much of what we're exposed to these days. When a director manages to get all of that onto the screen then he or she has accomplished something noteworthy.

When a film touches its audience in exactly the way the director intended then that film is a success. There is no doubt that Ben Stiller intended Zoolander to be a farce... nothing more and nothing less... give the audience a good dose of the giggles and leave it at that. From where I sit Zoolander is an excellent example of the modern-day farce.

Like most of us, I have a higher than warranted opinion of myself and I like to think that I'm predisposed to preferring *intellectual* comedy as opposed to slapstick. (Just when did society officially decide to demean slapstick?) So the first time I saw Zoolander I just sort of chuckled at all the right places. But afterwards I thought about the film a bit and realized that it was indeed a complete story and not just a collection of gags. So off to the rental house I went...

I'm not sure how many times I've seen Zoolander to date, but I do know that in order for me to watch a film so often that there has got to be something to it. Whatever that something is, Zoolander has got it. And director Ben Stiller knew how to put it there.

This film is worth seeing several times.

Curly Sue (1991)

If "Curly Sue" doesn't warm the cockles of your heart, you're dead.

[8/10 · 8 December 2002]

Good story. Good script. Good casting. Good acting. Good directing. Good art direction. Good photography. Good sound. Good editing. Good everything. Put it all together and you end up with good entertainment.

The shame of it is that there aren't nearly enough films of this caliber being made these days. We may count ourselves lucky that writers/directors like John Hughes are occasionally able to make their creative voices heard.

Whenever I notice that I'm watching a film for the third or fourth time and still find it thoroughly satisfying I have to conclude that something about that film is right.

Ten Little Indians (1989)

The only reason to watch this film is to earn the right to pan it.

[4/10 · 8 December 2002]

For the most part this film is populated by some wonderful character actors.

Agatha Christie's original storyline is beyond reproach.

With building blocks like that to work with it's a wonder that director Alan Birkinshaw wasn't able to deliver something a little closer to the quality that thousands of Agatha Christie fans have come to expect. "Ten Little Indians" failed at nearly every level, from a poor script, to inept blocking and unimaginative camera angles, to cheap dime store sets and props, to trying to sensationalize Christie's wit by replacing it with crude graphic violence.

There have been other film adaptations of "Ten Little Indians" all of them head and shoulders above this one. On three prior occasions I've tried to sit through this film but without success. Today, just after having seen "And Then There Were None" (an excellent adaptation of "Ten Little Indians") Birkinshaw's version came on and I determined to sit through it all the way. My reward for that ordeal was to have the right to pan it publicly.

Hackers (1995)

Forget everything you know about computers, take a hallucinogen, press play.

[2/10 · 27 February 1999]

It was the last thing on before my local broadcaster would shut down for the night. The other channel had an infomercial for some sort of abdominal muscle improvement gadget; I stayed with "Hackers" and for some inexplicable reason I'm glad I did.

How many plots are there? This one is just another variation on boy meets girl, happy ending, good triumphs over evil. It's a safe commercial formula as long as the producers don't spend too much money on expensive talent or special effects; they did neither. So-so photography and machine gun editing attempted to raise this flick to music video standards. "Hackers" is going to date very quickly and will surely prove to be an embarrassment to anyone connected with it.