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Darkened Room (2002)
Darkend Room life
9 August 2002
Actually spelled "Darkend Room" this is an intriguing but quickly forgettable Lynch piece. Lynch does the camera work himself, and the digital video look has a kind of odd appeal. This is hidden on DavidLynch.com and true Lynch fans should seek it out. I'm a huge fan, but I've been uninspired by this and most of the original work on Lynch's site. I'm hoping there will be more rewarding surprises than this in the near future. These two young women are extremely attractive, though.
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Soderbergh, what were you thinking?
16 March 2001
The only reason I went to see this schlock was because of Soderbergh. Yes, as impossible as it is to believe the same man who gave us SEX, LIES AND VIDEOTAPE, OUT OF SIGHT, KING OF THE HILL, SCHIZOPOLIS, and THE LIMEY is responsible for yet another dumb Julia Roberts movie. Uncannily bad acting, and a script that feels like a bad TV movie from the 70's. One of the worst films of last year, so of course it's nominated for best picture. Turns out the real Erin Brokovich is even dumber than the fictional version. She just went bankrupt spending her entire $2 million on a dream house and drug rehabilitation. God bless America.
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Chocolat (2000)
1/10
Chocolat-covered maggots
25 February 2001
To the "chick" who said this wasn't a "chick-flick", gimme a break. This film could only be enjoyed by women who like their films simple, safe and shallow. It's a "chick-flick" all right. Too bad Johnny Depp ended up here. He was actually in a good film by the same director called WHAT'S EATING GILBERT GRAPE? This film rots, and it will give you a cavity right through to your soul. Avoid at all costs.
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2/10
Rip-off
15 December 1999
Doesn't anyone else remember the episode of Amazing Stories called "Healer" which starred Patrick Swayze? Stephen King must certainly have had this story of a death-row prisoner who can heal with his touch. It was a great half-hour, and there was a memorable shot of Swayze touching the hands of other inmates on his march to death row in order to "heal" them. That was a half-hour in 1986. Why does Stephen King take 6 novellas and Frank Darabont over three hours to tell the same story with less impact. Suckers who bought into the shameless "Shawshank Redemption" will no doubt place this film high on the top 250. Well kids, one thing it sure is not--original.
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Black & White (I) (1999)
10/10
This film is a gift to moviegoers.
30 September 1999
After having seen 29 films at this year's Toronto International Film Festival, and reflecting, James Toback's "Black and White" was one of the truly pleasant surprises. Toback has a relatively cool track record, he won an oscar for his "Bugsy" screenplay, and directed Robert Downey Jr. in "Two Girls and a Guy" and "The Pick-up Artist".

As Toback introduced the film, he made reference to Downey Jr. (who also co-stars in this film) as being unable to attend the premiere screening "because some sick and twisted Judge gets his jollies out of locking him up every time he gets high." The audience broke into a fit of laughter and applause.

"Black and White" is an ensemble piece that covers many bases of our society where black and white cultures collide. The music industry, sports gambling, drugs, delinquency, and sex. It's a look at interracial youth culture with an attitude, where no one should trust their friends, or their lovers.

From its opening scene, an interracial three-way in a park with a heavy base backbeat, "Black and White" is erotic, dangerous, funny and never predictable. In addition to another wildly offbeat characterization by Downey; the cast includes standout work by Ben Stiller in a swaggeringly dark comic turn, a gorgeous and deceptive Claudia Shiffer (who continues to shine in small, risky roles), and Mike Tyson playfully playing... himself. Now that's brilliant! Tyson may actually be contributing here to what I think is could be the funniest single scene of 1999.

This is a film where it would criminal to spoil the fun by saying any more. The audience at the festival was ecstatic. Don't let "Black and White" vanish. Toback has made a real movie here. It's smart, angry fun.
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1/10
if it looks like S%#t, and it sounds like S%#t, then it must be S%#t!
5 August 1999
If you thought that "Star Wars Episode 1" was the most over-hyped letdown of the year, get ready. "The Blair Witch Project" is so shockingly bad it could have been made by your ninth grade brother's friends on their first camping trip this summer. Shot primarily with a poor quality video (which appears to pre-date steadyshot), "Blair Witch" should have had a hard time getting into student film and video festivals based on the poor visual and sound quality alone. Instead, it has won prizes and accolades at both Cannes and Sundance, and has become the new indie darling of film critics most everywhere. But, "Blair Witch" is far scarier than many of the critics have even begun to hint at. It's basically 80 minutes of watching amateurs stuck in flat woods, running in circles, with no concept of shot composition, no script, no performance talent, and absolutely no idea of what the hell they are doing. This is the movie that puts the 'horror' in horrible.

"Blair Witch" is supposed to be about the making of a documentary. Is this supposed to represent a documentary film crew? A girl who is a complete bitch, and two dweebs who act like whiny versions of Beavis and Butt-head. The interminable fits of yelling and screaming will have you bored stiff. Do stick figures made of wood, and the sounds of nearby "filmmakers" making funny noises in the woods give you the creeps?...if so, you might actually find this frightening.

Well, as audiences everywhere are finding out (as Cinemascore is indicating), "The Blair Witch Project" is not a good film, and certainly not what they were told it would be. Shame on critics making comparisons to horror classics like "The Exorcist" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre". Those were bold masterpieces of terror in which the scripts were solid before production began. Jeez, even "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" was scarier than "Blair Witch" (if Jennifer Love's breasts get any bigger...) Any dolt can do what the makers of "Blair Witch" have done, just look at the worst home videos your neighbor Larry has in his collection (but Larry knows how to use that tripod his wife bought him last Xmas).

To quote Bart Simpson from that great Halloween episode with Poe's "The Raven"; "Do you know what would have been scarier than nothing?.....................ANYTHING!!"
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Summer of Sam (1999)
4/10
Another summer bummer
5 July 1999
Oh, no, here we go again...is it just me or is summer 1999 a real disappointment at the cinema? I was really excited about "Summer of Sam", it was on a shortlist of summer movies that I couldn't wait to see, and now it joins "Star Wars Episode 1", "The Thirteenth Floor" and "Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me" on my shortlist of films I can't wait to forget.

Spike really impressed me last year with "He Got Game", which was his first worthwhile outing since "Malcolm X". Sadly, as I was sitting through SOS, I kept thinking Spike was getting me ready for something big. He couldn't possibly be boring me this badly without some unbelievably cool payoff. Ah, the power goes out in Manhattan, a blackout with Son of Sam on the loose...oh, wait, it's over. Nothing interesting happened. Everything still looks that ugly green and is grainy, just like in "Clockers", but it seemed to work better there. John Leguizamo are having another implausible conversation, or argument, or, wow, how did these two ever end up together...whoa...Didn't we just have a seven minute scene in the bedroom between Vinny and his wife involving a brief fit of intercourse...oh, she's going to go down on him this time...wow, even the sex is boring and repetitive....Wait, hold my tongue...a demented sex orgy, but it's really hard to see what's going on here. Is that a girl with Sorvino? Oh, the next scene clears that up for me... Boy these are really stupid characters who love to argue, must be italians from NY.



Anyway, Spike Lee's cameo in SOS (not to mention his sisters', damn why did I mention that!) is so bad, you feel it is supposed to be a joke of some kind, but you're just too embarrassed to get it. It's too bad, and maybe I'm a little sick, but the only scenes that worked for me, and were visceral and shocking, were Berkowitz's killings. Unsuspecting females gunned down at close range, blood spraying...Quick, tough, and over before you can blink your eyes. Too bad Summer of Sam feels more like the work of a more sadistic killer; it's agonizingly slow, painful, and hard to watch.

Okay, my shortlist is getting shorter, bring on "Eyes Wide Shut"!
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Pretty Baby (1978)
10/10
Beautifully made
5 July 1999
Warning: Spoilers
Louis Malle is one of the late geniuses of film. "Pretty Baby" is one of his most beautiful achievements. Telling the story of a lonely photographer's obsession with a precocious twelve-year old prostitute named Violet(Brooke Shields) in New Orleans early in the century.

The photographer (Keith Carradine) eventually allows Violet to move in with him, and then marries her. In a wonderful scene, Carradine buys Violet a baby doll. She is thrilled, but then asks why he bought her a doll. "Every child should have a doll" he replies. Shields reaction is perfect, she is angered that he still thinks of her as a child, but cannot help but play with the doll in the very next scene.

Shields hits all the right notes here. She goes from sexy and alluring, to childish and innocent with a snobbish pout. She is charmingly free-spirited from being raised in a brothel, and often appears totally naked in front of strange men many times her age. Prostitution is all that she knows, and Malle does not shy away from it.

This film was largely shunned when it was first released. It seems, having read some of the other comments here, that the trend continues. This is a mature film, for mature minds. See it and enjoy.
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Orgazmo (1997)
2/10
This movie is beneath Ron Jeremy's talents
23 May 1999
Oh, boy. Having already recently suffered through "Mafia!" and it's infantile crudeness, I wasn't ready to make the intellectual sacrifices needed to enjoy "Orgazmo".

"South Park" has had some very smart and funny moments, but what Stone and Parker give us here is toilet humor for third-graders. Funniest thing is, the real-life porn stars who make appearances;Ron Jeremy, Max Hardcore, Jill Kelly and Chasey Lain seem to be "slumming"(after all, Ron was in "George Wallace" and "Killing Zoe", Chasey and Jill were both in "He Got Game", and Max Hardcore was in...well, he's pretty good with a video camera).

As we already learned in "Mallrats", farting on a hand is not funny...it's stupid. If you're looking for a film about crude characters, but with a bit more smarts, try the underrated "Ringmaster".
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Pleasantville (1998)
9/10
Another astonishing DVD from New Line
4 May 1999
Well, the New Line Platinum series is continuing to grow, and this is an immaculate addition. I enjoyed "Pleasantville" when it was in theatres, but seeing it again in this first-rate transfer was just incredible. "Pleasantville" is a really smart movie, and I'm not one to particularly enjoy fables (I loathed Benigni's "Life is Beautiful" and I thought "Ever After" was only mildly amusing). Gary Ross, along with being a great writer (the disc indicates he has written presidential addresses) is a great visual storyteller. The film is a work of art, equal to those in art book Tobey Maguire's "Bud" gives to Jeff Daniels.

The scene in which Bud takes Margaret to Lover's lane is one of the most striking, and the most impressive balance of black and white and color in the film. Also, Margaret herself, as played by the beautiful Marley Shelton (the only reason I can think to sit through "Trojan War" and "Never Been Kissed") is a work of art herself. Those eyes. That neck. Those teeth...

Anyway, if you're a DVD buff, you'll love also the inclusion of Fiona Apple's video "Across the Universe" directed by Paul Thomas Anderson of "Boogie Nights". The "Pleasantville" package also includes an edifying commentary track by Gary Ross, and a second commentary by seasoned score composer George S. Clinton. There are also featurettes on art design, special effects work, and the complete screenplay which you can print on your PC. Keep up the excellent work New Line, we really appreciate it. May others learn from you.
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Blade (1998)
7/10
This film gets better with a second viewing
25 January 1999
I really did enjoy watching "Blade" in the theatre at the end of summer. I had resisted it at first, having been burned by New Line's other recent comic hero film, "Spawn". But "Blade" is a true treat. Having enjoyed Stephen Dorff in "City of Industry", it was fun seeing him portray another bad boy. The casting in this movie is wonderful (has Traci Lords ever been more suited for anything than her walk on here?) Wesley Snipes simply won't settle for any one genre, and it's great to see.

I really must agree with some of the others who've commented here about the New Line Platinum Series DVD--it is exceptional. I haven't seen or heard a better film for a home system. DVD owners everywhere should be supporting New Line's incredible series which includes "Boogie Nights" and "Dark City" special editions. Also, as a point of interest, "Blade" was directed by Stephen Norrington, who also made the low-budget science fiction horror film "Death Machine".
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Vampyres (1974)
Bloody hot vampires
25 January 1999
I was surprised to find a copy of this uncut at a local Blockbuster. After having just read about it in a terrific piece by Femme Fatales, I was just happy to see it. It is sexy, and the two young women who play the central "vampyres" are gorgeous and were cast completely on physical appearances (their voices were dubbed by more experienced British stage actresses) The two women spend their waking hours luring men into a beautiful and remote Castle--somewhere. After they've seduced their captives, they drink their blood. "Vampyres" is campy, scary and outrageous. It is also very uneven at times, in other words, slow-moving occasionally. The highlight is the mystery of pondering who these women were (a great scene at the opening suggests they may have been lesbian lovers) how they wound up in this castle, and who "turned" them. All in all, a good late night rental, and an alternative to Anne Rice and Buffy. Oh, and it's a hell of a lot more involving than the vapid "John Carpenter's Vampires". As far as comparisons with other recent bloodsucker movies, "Vampyres" is not as cool as "Near Dark", but is sexier than "Interview with a Vampire", not as action-packed and entertaining as "From Dusk till Dawn", but more inventive and thought-provoking than "The Lost Boys"
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5/10
Get real everyone
3 January 1999
I wait for the day when this film is no longer in the top 200 of IMDb, as it deserves. Please, if any film was passed over in favor of Gump at the 1995 Oscars--it was the best film of the nineties--PULP FICTION.
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10/10
Perfect
24 November 1998
This is the most important film of all the careers involved. It should find itself on most of the best films of the nineties lists. The sound and cinematography and the care with which this film is put together deserve special note. Treat yourself.
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